Small Business Therapy #5 – What if I’m a massive success and I can’t cope?!
This is the fifth article in our small business therapy series. Today we’re talking about the fear of success.
Blimey! It’s that time of the week already!
Relax. Pour yourself a glass of your favorite drink. It’s time to talk about our issues. You and me. In a non-creepy, constructive kind of way, without a sleazy old therapist in site.
None of this…
So… Fox News get in touch with you.
They’ve invited you to talk as an expert in your field.
How do you feel?
Excited?
Yeah! Why not?! You’re going to be on the telly!
In fact, for two minutes you’re going to be the most important thing on there! They’ll probably give you free tea and biscuits. You’ll meet famous people and stuff!
It’s going to be great for business too. You’ll write about it on your website or in your newsletters. You can put a little “Featured on Fox News” icon on your website. Admittedly it’s Fox News, rather than a proper News network, but it’ll increase your perceived credibility no end.
Flattered?
Yeah. Damn right.
It’s a pretty hefty shot of validation really, isn’t it?
They want little old you to talk on their big telly box program. They could have chosen Paula Abdul, David Hasselhoff or the guy from the Will It Blend videos. But they chose You; the obvious expert in your field. Give yourself some recognition. You did well.
Panicked?
Umm… Yeah. Most likely.
We’re all scared a lot of the time. You’re likely no exception.
So let me ask you… What scares you about this?
I’m scared of being on TV.
Go on…
I’m scared that I won’t have anything to say.
I’m scared that my face will go all red and I’ll look stupid.
I’m scared that I’ll fall over my words and people will think I’m dumb.
I’m scared that everyone will realize I’m a total amateur.
I’m scared that it’ll go brilliantly and I’ll be in massive demand. I’m scared that everything is moving too quickly and I won’t be able to cope.
Good. Phew. You’re human. I was worried for a second.
We start to freak out when we imagine things happening that we don’t like.
Often we imagine things going really really well for us; so well, in fact, that we won’t be able to cope. We imagine attention and glory coming our way. And then we imagine royally screwing it all up – in front of a ton of people.
We tell ourselves that we aren’t ready for success. We resist success because we think it will cause us pain.
And that’s okay. It’s okay to feel like this.
But it’s not very helpful.
So what can you do about it?
1. Realize that you’re not alone.
Everyone is scared.
Talk to anyone who has achieved any degree of success and they’ll tell you that they were initially terrified by the idea of doing something different. Dig a little deeper and you’ll find that they still get scared, even now.
It gets easier, they’ll say, but it never truly goes away.
You might choose to label it excitement or anticipation, rather than fear, but the feeling will be there. The butterflies aren’t going to go away.
When you’re paralyzed by fear you might look at other people getting by and think you’re the only one that’s scared.
The truth is that what you’re feeling is no different than what anyone else is feeling. There are a whole load of terrified people out there, acting in spite of the butterflies in their stomach.
The secret is that, once you’ve done something once, it’s not quite so scary the second time around.
The New is always a little scary.
But it can also exciting, exhilarating and rewarding. And you’d do well to tell this story to yourself occasionally when you start imagining the one in which everything goes wrong.
2. Realize that no-one is paying you a whole lot of attention.
So there are all these people running around, freaking out and going about their business.
And there are a whole load of other people, sitting on the coach, drinking wine and wishing they could summon the will to make something happen.
There are the people moaning about their neighbor mowing the lawn in the early hours of the morning.
And the people secretly worrying about their partner’s infidelity…
Do you think these people are concerned about you?
Of course not. Most people are too busy dealing with their own stuff to really pay you too much attention.
Try to remember this when you worry about not living up to people’s expectations.
The truth is that they probably don’t have them. And they probably don’t care.
The people that actually are paying attention will be supportive. The ones that aren’t don’t matter so much…
3. Know what you want.
The journey is going to be hard sometimes, so it helps if you know where you’re going and why you want to get there.
Keep the end in mind. It’ll help you get the strength to push through the challenges as they come.
4. Prepare. Consciously increase your confidence.
When you’re scared of success you’re likely to resist that which is in your best interest.
You might choose not to promote or market yourself as effectively as you could because you don’t feel ready for the attention this will bring.
The key is to be pro-active about this. You might want to make a plan to take action to increase your confidence alongside your other efforts.
If you’re a life coach, you’ll gain confidence by coaching. Do it for free if you have to. And do a lot of it.
If you’re a public speaker, you’ll gain confidence by speaking in public.
Make a plan to get the exposure you need to grow your confidence, at a rate that is comfortable for you. This is as important as anything else you do within your business.
What does your plan look like?
Good luck.
JJ Jalopy.
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Comment by John Ho
11 August 2009
Hi JJ,
Yes, it might sound weird. But lots of us are afraid of success.
Failure is common, familiar & easy.
Success is relatively rare and unknown.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
Numerology Expert Birthday Numeroscope
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
John Ho´s last blog .."Numerology Expert Says Focused, Determined Goal-Orientated For Those Born on 11th August"
Comment by Lynn Lane
12 August 2009
JJ,
Great points to ponder and act on.
Success is all about pulling the trigger and follow through!
Lynn Lane
http://www.Warriorofsuccess.com
Lynn Lane´s last blog ..Discover Your Strengths For Success
Comment by Anthony Lemme
12 August 2009
Hey Dude,
No matter what, if we want what we want we have to do what it takes no matter what monkey chatter arises in our minds. Don’t believe everything you think!
Anthony
http://www.anthonylemme.com
Anthony Lemme´s last blog ..A Simple Yet Effective Exercise To Awaken and Activate Your Mental Powers
Comment by JJ Jalopy
12 August 2009
@Anthony – It’s a good point. What’s the best way of dealing with the negative voices in our head? Ignore them.
Unfortunately that’s a very big ask for most people. We say “don’t believe everything you think” and it’s great advice and it makes sense, but it’s not very practical for most people who aren’t spiritual badasses like you.
Most people are such a long way away from being able to do that that it isn’t funny. People freak out all the time because they do believe what they think. Most people essentially believe they are their thoughts, especially when they’re freaking out. If you’re caught up in something you can’t possibly notice it. And you can’t make a sensible choice about it at that point.
So what’s the solution? Well… that’s really what this series is working towards.
I’m trying to tell people that I know most of us are a long way away from personal development nirvana. We have negative thoughts, that we indulge them sometimes and try not to make indulging those thoughts another thing to beat ourselves up about.
It’s kind of the antithesis of Duane’s approach, I guess, cause I’m a bit of a hippie at heart…
Comment by JJ Jalopy
12 August 2009
@Lynn – Right on brother! Thanks for your comment.
Comment by Darryl Pace
17 August 2009
JJ,
Good therapy session. You’re right — self-sabotage is something that many of us engage in due to our fear of success and the unknown. It’s something we all have to be cognizant of and deal with.
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Fitness Product Review
Comment by Over 50 Singles Boomer Dating
3 September 2009
Hi JJ,
indeed, doing hypnotherapy to surface our own unique less than worthy received messages while growing up (totally normally, we had ‘em, it just varies) really helps. Addressing it as you do here with the Logical Mind is helpful. However the message is retained in our nonconscious mind and that is where we need to work at it. The emotional side.
Cheers!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell