Small Business Therapy #1 – People are already doing it better than me!
It can be easy to think that you’re the only small business owner who freaks out.
That you’re the only one struck by huge crises of confidence.
That you’re the only one too scared to pick up the phone, go to that event, make that decision.
You might look at successful people and say to yourself:
What’s the matter with me? These people never worry that they’re not good enough. They never wake up at 2:00 AM in a cold sweat wondering where the money is going to come from and whether they’ll be eating their left arm for dinner next week.
And this makes you feel alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You see, most people who are in the business of dispensing business advice have a vested interest in you thinking that they have their stuff together. In adopting a position of authority, they depend upon social proof and the illusion of expertise, credibility and success to maintain their personal brand.
The result? They are unlikely to share their worries with you. They are unlikely to reveal that they, too, still suffer from crises of confidence now and then.
You might come to the conclusion that successful people just don’t freak out.
There is also much emphasis placed upon positive thinking and positive communication these days. If you go on Twitter, you’ll be inundated with messages of positivity, inspirational quotes and reminders to live every day like it’s your last!
It’s nice, and can be just what you need at times…
…but when you’re freaking out, thinking that you’re a total failure and wishing you could give it all up right now, then these people’s well-intentioned messages of inspiration feel like needles poking into your brain.
To paraphrase Russell Brand, it’s like being beaten over the head with a freaking rainbow.
Seize the day, they say!
Grab that sword, confront your fears, and slay that dragon of fear like the fear slaying dragon killer you were born to be, they say.
And you feel like you’re the only one (understandably) too busy throwing your own pity party to go anywhere near that bloody sword.
I can’t, you say. I’m throwing myself a big pity party. I feel hopeless. I want empathy, not vague “motivational” platitudes.
Feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of your energy, they say.
So you pick up that sword and shove it right into their gullet.
This makes you feel better.
But we don’t need to go maiming people with imaginary swords to feel better about all this. The fact is that, all of us feel unconfident sometimes and all of us freak out sometimes.
So, every weekend for the next few weeks, we’re going to have a little small business owner therapy session, here within the safe walls of our our home here in Jalopyland. We’re going to try to meet these issues with understanding and talk them through together.
Like therapy. But with no tedious old men.
Hopefully it will be helpful to you. Even if it just makes you feel grateful that you’re not as screwed up as me! 
People are already doing it better than me!
You might have done all the market research in the world. You think you know what you’re doing.
Then… BOOM!
Here comes the crisis of confidence.
You’re worried that you’re not good enough.
Or rather, you wonder why you should carry on when other people are already doing That Thing You Do better.
There are many life coaches who are so much better than me, you say. Why would someone go to me when they could hire Mr. SuperCoach down the road?
There are many people who are much better writers than me, you say.
There are many people who are more confident or charismatic than me, you say,
There are many people who are more knowledgeable, or have more experience than me, you say.
Here’s what I say….
It doesn’t matter.
People don’t come to you for your expertise, success, experience or knowledge. They don’t come to you because you’re the shiniest, greatest, or the most successful.
They come to you because of the way you make them feel.
Don’t believe me? Let me give you some case studies…
Where I go for lunch.
I spend a lot of time in a town called Watford, just North of London, UK, doing business consultancy work.
I like to get away from the office at lunchtime and go and sit down to eat. There are many places I could go for lunch. Many of them part of a big successful chain of restaurants, some of them small independent places.
My very favorite lunchtime venue is a small Lebanese restaurant called Nana’s Bakery.
Yum!
I don’t go there because it’s the most convenient for me. (I have to walk down a busy, unfashionable main road to get there.)
I don’t go there because it’s the cheapest.
I don’t go there because they have the best food in the world (although it is pretty good!)
I don’t go there because they are well-known or because I’ve heard about them on TV.
I go there because they make me feel welcome. I go there because I get a big friendly welcome every time I walk in the door. I go there because they know my name, they give me free tasters of dishes they’re trying out, they invite me into the kitchen to show me how they make their flatbreads.
I go there because they are my kind of people.
And they’re always very busy because many other people feel the same way.
Now, if they had given up simply because there were already successful restaurants in the area, or similar small ethnic restaurants in the area, then my lunchtime would be a sadder affair.
Where I go for my blogtime.
If I want to read about health and meditation I go to www.anthonylemme.com
In fact, I go there even when I don’t want to read about health or meditation because I like hanging out there.
I could learn from Deepak Chopra, or some other heavily made-up guy who sits on Oprah’s coach.
You can never be too enlightened for eyeliner.
But I read Anthony.
Even though his website looks like crap.
Even though he’s not yet as well known as many of the other people I could learn from.
Why?
Because I like the laid back vibe.
Because I like that reading Anthony’s stuff feels like talking to a friend.
Because I like that he talks about rock and roll, sex and meditation all in the same sentence.
Because I like the emotional experience I get there.
So what can we learn from these examples?
We learn that there is absolutely room for you, because you are You.
So, other people are already doing That Thing You Do?
That’s great! Because it tells you there is a demand for that thing. And there’s always a room for another voice, another point of view, a slightly different experience.
What people want most of all is to feel understood, to feel connected, to feel part of something.
To be successful you need to provide a consistent emotional experience that will be appealing to a certain group of people
As a small business, you are in a unique position to connect with people by being authentically you.
And you’re #1 in the world at that!
Okay, but are people really going to pay me for my services just because they like me, when they could go hire someone better?
Um, yeah. Kinda.
Not everyone wants the best in the world, and not anyone can afford the best in the world,
There is a place for you. I promise.
Some silly questions to finish
What would have happened…
… if The Beatles had given up because they thought they could never be as good as Elvis?
… if Beethoven thought he could never be Mozart, so didn’t even bother?
… if Rihanna thought she could never be Britney?
(Okay, maybe scrap the last one…)
See you soon!
JJ Jalopy.
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Comment by Duane Cunningham
22 June 2009
Hi JJ,
That was a brilliant post! Probably the one i enjoyed the most of all your superb stuff, just awesomely great advice!
Duane
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Comment by John Ho
22 June 2009
JJ,
That’s good you can point out the WHY – It’s HOW they make you FEEL!
We all make irrational decisions and then justify them with excuses.
People may forget what we say, but they will remember how we make them feel!
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion (WordPress Blog)
Numerology Expert Birthday Numeroscope (Vox Blog)
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
John Ho´s last blog ..“Numerology Expert Puts Copyright into Whatever He Writes From Now On”
Comment by Newport Beach, Widow Support, Bereavement Counseling, Divorce Recovery, Grief Support, Orange County, Huntington Beach, Long Beach, Irvine
22 June 2009
It is one of the gifts of the best coaches that they keep it real. That they include and display some of their humanity, that they are an expert and great… and HUMAN! With foibles.
You do so with such a wonderful kick in the butt sense of humor that your blog is a joy to read!
Keep up the great work, JJ, and keep on keeping it real, dude!
Best regards,
April Braswell
Single Boomer Dating Expert, Relationship Success Coach
Widow Support and Bereavement Counseling Outreach Workshop Orange County, Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, CA
Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, Orange County, Website Marketing, Web Design, SEO, Social Media Marketing
Comment by JJ Jalopy
22 June 2009
@April – Haha. Thanks. Always keepin’ it real!
And kicking butt!
Comment by JJ Jalopy
22 June 2009
@John – Great point. We make decisions based on our emotions, then we find logical reasons that fit those decisions. It’s a wonderfully creative piece of backwards rationalization really. We’re cool.
And you’ve come up with a good thing to take away from all of this. It’s important to make people feel something, consistently.
Comment by JJ Jalopy
22 June 2009
@Duane – Thanks dude. That means a lot coming from you. I really liked it too!
Comment by Darryl Pace
23 June 2009
JJ,
That gives me hope, bro. Good post.
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Fitness Product Review
Darryl Pace´s last blog ..Tools for Your Fitness Toolkit
Comment by JJ Jalopy
23 June 2009
@Darryl – That was the plan! Thanks for the note brother.
Comment by Anthony Lemme
24 June 2009
Superb post! One of you best and great information.
Anthony
http://www.anthonylemme.com
The Most Powerful Personal Growth and Mind Development Tool on Earth
Anthony Lemme´s last blog ..Self-Esteem: The Magic X-Factor
Comment by Pam Schulz
26 June 2009
Great read today!
Pam
Expert Houston Retirement Planning & Wealth Management Services
Comment by Lisa McLellan
28 June 2009
Nice to know I’m not alone!
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services – Babysitters and Nannies
Comment by Steve Chambers
2 July 2009
We are all doubtful and scared at times. We need to form mastermind groups with like-minded people.
Steve Chambers, The Sales Expert
The Sales Eagle Solution – 6 months to dominate your market
Comment by JJ Jalopy
4 July 2009
@Darryl – That was the plan, dude! Thanks very much for the comment.
Comment by JJ Jalopy
4 July 2009
@Anthony – Thank you. I did enjoy writing this one!
Comment by JJ Jalopy
4 July 2009
@Pam – Thanks very much! Great to see you over at the blog – it’s been a while and I’ve missed you!
Comment by JJ Jalopy
4 July 2009
@Steve – Yeah. I think that’s the point of this little series, really. To get like-minded people together to discuss this openly, so we don’t think we’re the only ones freaking out, procrastinating and generally not doing what we think we should.