Market testing, copywriting and a website made with crayons.

Bonjour!

I’ve been writing the copy for the Google Pay Per Click testing phase of my Market Testing Kit.

What on earth does that mean, JJ?

Oh yeah. Sorry.

It means I’m writing a basic sales letter for strangers who are interested in market testing their business idea.

The plan is to buy visitors through Google Pay Per Click advertising, direct them to a nice sales letter written by me and see how many of said people sign up for my I’m-interested-in-this list.

Don’t worry if that doesn’t make any sense either. I’ll guide you through the process step-by-step in the Market Testing Kit itself…

So what’s this sales letter going to be like Mr. Jalopy Man?

Would it be more fun if I showed you what it won’t look like?

Probably. I imagine it’ll be somewhat less educational though.

You’re probably right. But, to be honest, this pretend conversation was really just a setup to show you this anyway…

http://youreapoorloser.com

Do go and visit. It’s hilarious. And kinda brilliant. I thought it was a joke at first, but there’s a real product for sale there…

So, yeah. It won’t look like that…

Stay tuned for more educational updates soon. (I think we’ll be filing this one under General Silliness)

Mrs. Jalopy and I are hitting the road tomorrow to go to another wedding in Wales. I think it’s the last of the year. As much as I love a good wedding, I’m looking forward to getting my weekends back.

See you soon!

JJ Jalopy.

Market testing, cowboy hats, cartoon nose jobs and Duane Cunningham’s bikini workout

Hey there!

How are you today?

Excited about my forthcoming Market Testing Kit product?

Of course you are!!

So why aren’t you on my I’m-really-interested-in-this list yet?

Do you realize that I might not even make it if I don’t get the love and attention I crave?

And that if you’re on the list then you’ll be eligible for a massive advance discount and awesome pre-launch bonuses?!

Perhaps you’d like to go here right away to learn about it?!

Another link just in case you missed the two above?

Okay…

So what has this ridiculous title got to do with your awesome Market Test kit, JJ?

Nothing actually. That was just a little rant I wanted to start things off with.

What I wanted to talk about today was search keywords.

You see, one of the great things about business online is that you can monitor and track pretty much everything…

… including the search term people typed into Google to find your website.

Some of these search terms are pretty esoteric.

Here are my favorites for this website so far:

#5 – Cowboy Hats (11 visitors)

11 people  have managed to end up at my website after searching for cowboy hats. They mostly ended up here or here.

Well I guess I do talk about them rather a lot…

But why did they click on a link that is clearly about business advice or coaching?

Who knows. People are odd.

Maybe I should affiliate for Sheplers?

#4 – Make me look like an idiot (15 visitors)

Who would want such a thing?

15 visitors apparently.

They ended up here.

#3 – Cartoon Celebrity Nose Job (1 visitor)

There is so much I could say about this…

I really have no idea what this person wanted to find but I imagine they were rather disappointed when they ended up at this confession about my social media procrastination habits!

#2 – Duane Cunningham Bikini* Workout (1 visitor)

Yes. My second favorite.

I can hear the heavy breathing from here.

They’ve got to have felt let down when they ended up learning about a Wordpress upgrade instead.

* The word bikini might have been added for comic effect.

#1 – JJ Jalopy is an ass (1 visitor)

Come on then. Own up.

Did you type this in?

And just what exactly were you trying to achieve by this?!

I find it incredible and hilarious that someone typed this into Google and pressed search.

Amazing.

So in the interests of research I typed this into Google myself and, as well as finding my own site, I found a lovely comment from my friend Avery on Naomi Dunord’s awesome IttyBiz blog. It reads:

Very nice! I came here from JJ Jalopy’s site. He’s an ass.

Thanks Avery. You ass.

Love you all!

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. Don’t forget about that Market Testing Kit.

Christian the Lion

Most “inspirational” videos make me want to go out, drink beer, tell dirty jokes and start a fight with some cowboys.

(Please note that I am using exaggeration to create humor. I don’t condone violence of any type, especially when directed towards cowboys.)

But this video made me shed a tear.

And I’d like to share it with you.

I apologize in advance for making you listen to Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing. Turn your speakers down if you need.

See you soon!

JJ Jalopy.

Using Elance – How to hire outsourcers who kick ass rather than sucking it.

High Five!

Recently I have been evangelizing about the benefits of outsourcing tasks in your home business.

I know it can be hard to relinquish responsibility to other people, especially if you’re a control freak like me. And I understand that it can be especially difficult when you have to pay for the privilege…

But outsourcing tasks will free up time for you to work on the things that really make the difference.

It will pay off in spades.

So, having convinced you in three lazily-constructed half-sentences that outsourcing is A Really Good Thing, I’m now going to introduce you to a great resource called Elance. 

Elance is essentially a big market place that allows people who want stuff done to get together with people who want to get paid to do stuff.

Which is great. Because we’ve all got a lot of stuff.

So how does this work, Mr. JJ man?

Well, imaginary blog reader sycophant, the way I like to use Elance is to post details of my project or task and then watch as the people who want to get paid to do stuff flood me with bids for the work I’m offering.

This is nice and easy and simple and inflates my sense of self-importance.

I like that.

So, are you going to give us some awesome tips, as per usual Mr. Jalopy?

Sure thing m’lady…

 

How to post an awesome job description

Make your project description clear and specific. Say exactly what you want and when you want it. Have other people read it and then explain back to you what they have understood.

If there is any possible way that something can be misinterpreted, it probably will be. <<Insert your own amusing illustrative story here, if you like. Go wild>>

So yeah. Basically you want to remove any possibility of misinterpretation.

And add attachments or links to your website, if relevant, to illustrate what you want done. If you have sketches, brainstorms or notes then scan them and upload them. A picture is worth a thousand words and all that.

 

How to pick a bidder that kicks ass rather than sucking it

After a few hours, hungry providers will start to submit bids.

It can be pretty overwhelming sometimes. It might make you feel a little slutty the first time.

Some of these will be better than others.

This is me being polite. Most of the responses you get are going to suck ass. You don’t want an ass-sucking outsourcer. So, to sort the wheat from the chaff, ask yourself the following questions:

 

Have they actually, you know, read your job description?

Many bidders will bid on anything without really looking at the description. People that do this are usually doing this because they have to. They’re playing a nasty spammy, slutty numbers game. Because they suck.

 

How long have they been on Elance?

Ideally you want someone with some experience. Obviously.

 

What is their feedback like?

People who’ve had stuff done  can leave feedback on people who did stuff. Look through the bidder’s previous feedback and comments to figure out if they did a good job and if people were generally happy with them.

People are usually pretty honest and you can get some good insight here.

 

Do they address any of the specific issues you highlighted in your job description?

Do they give some indication of how exactly how they can help you?  

Have they looked at your website and the documentation you sent them? Have they taken the time to spell out the specific benefits that hiring them will give you?

Or are they sending you the same generic responses that they send out to everyone?

 

How to make sure the person you’ve chosen does what you want them to do?

Sometimes people misunderstand each other.

Most of the time people misunderstand each other. 

So don’t assume that your lovely new outsourcing chap actually understands what you want him to do. 

Before you let him get to work ask him to explain back to you exactly what he thinks are your requirements. Correct and clarify as necessary. Rinse and repeat. 

Now, once your outsourcer can explain to you what you need him to do, identify relevant milestones and set up a system by which he can provide regular updates so you can ensure everything stays on track, or you can identify problems early on.

I like to receive daily short email updates, in which my provider will list what they’ve achieved and any questions they might have.

Be specific with your feedback requirements. If you want him to spend no more than 5 minutes on a daily email update, then tell him that. Otherwise he’ll probably write an essay. Again, assume nothing. 

 

What do you do once it’s all done?

Give honest feedback and testimonials. 

Make sure you keep in touch with them if they did a great job, and refer them to your friends and colleagues. They’ll both love you for it.

 

Cool, eh?

Do you have any tips you’d like to add? Talk to me in the comments. I love comments – especially yours.

See you later dude(tte)!

JJ Jalopy.

Tell us about all the cool stuff you’re doing JJ!

Hey there!

So Manchester United lost the football tonight.

Still… life goes on. Especially if you could care less about Manchester United.

Today I thought I’d share with you what I’m up to, and then send you away with a chocolate surprise as I get busy with aforementioned stuff.

You’re soon going to see a few changes around here:

A New Cleaner, Clearer Website Design

A new splash of paint.

 

There’s a ton of really awesome stuff on this website.

But it’s a right bitch to find it, and the layout of the site is rather confusing.

So I’ll be taking the time to sort that out. The new design will be:

• cleaner
• easier to read
• lighter
• whiter
• like fresh laundry on a summer day
• funner
• more JJ. (Oh yeah.)

If you come and visit and the site looks as if a child drew it on your screen with half-chewed crayons, then you probably caught me in the middle of upgrade limbo.

I know there are ways and means to update a website in such a way that the changeover is almost seamless from the visitor’s perspective. I also know we probably won’t bother ourselves with such folly.

So if it looks like crap, that’s why. It’ll get better. Honest.

More Really Cool Stuff.

I’m busy making really cool stuff for you. If you’ve been paying attention to my coaching marketing blueprint then you’ll know that the last step is:

Explode your Business. Get leverage on your time.

In my business, this means making cool stuff to help as many people as possible. There’s some really great free stuff coming up which I’ll make available to existing and new subscribers to my awesome Jalopy Gang newsletter, as well as some slightly-more-than-free-stuff that I’ll be revealing soon.

Some secret other stuff which is just like so totally cool it’ll make your eyes pop out and your head fall off, at which point you won’t mind so much about the eyes.

Yeah, some of that too. Subscribers will find out soon!

As I’m so busy, I’ll posting a bit less often on here from now on. Not a lot less, mind you. We’ll still hang out and laugh and learn together.

To make up for that – and as a present for being so lovely and reading down so far – I’m going to share my super awesome brownie recipe with you.  These are the best brownies in the whole world. Enjoy!

Here’s your shopping list. 

• 200g Butter
• 200g of the finest dark chocolate money can buy
• 100g of milk chocolate
• 50g of cocoa powder
• 275g of caster sugar
• 90g of flour
• 3 big eggs

This makes enough brownies to last a couple of hours, regardless of the number of people you have. They’re good. Really good.

Now the instructions. Pay attention!

Cut the butter and break the dark chocolate into cubes. Put them in a bowl. Rest the bowl on top of a saucepan filled about a third full with water. If the bowl touches the water then you either have an inappropriately shaped bowl or too much water – remedy the situation!

Now but the saucepan on a low heat and stir the butter and chocolate as it begins to melt. 

Once melted remove the bowl from the pan and allow the melted chocolate to cool.

As it cools, sieve the flour and cocoa powder into a bowl to remove any lumps.

Chop the milk chocolate into chunks with a knife or whatever garden implement you feel like misusing.

Put the eggs and sugar into a bowl and whisk like crazy until you get a nice fluffy sweet mixture. This mixture is delicious…

Now pour the melted (cool) chocolate over the fluffy eggy goo and fold it together with a spatula. Keep going in a figure of air so everything is the same lovely chocolate color. Be nice and gentle because we don’t want to get rid of the lovely fluffiness of the egg goo.

Now sift the cocoa and flour mixture on top of the chocolate goo. When it covers the top, fold the dry mixture into the goo. This will look horrible and dry at first, but bear with it. Keep going gently until you’ve folded in all the cocoa and flour and you end up with a fudgy, sticky consistency.

Finally, stir in the milk chocolate chunks. 

Stick the mixture into a shallow baking tin that you’ve prepared in whichever non-stick way you like. Make sure it covers the whole surface of the tin.

Whack it in the oven for about half an hour. You can tell when it’s ready because it won’t wobble in the middle when you shake it.

Now allow them to cool, chop them up and eat them.

They are best served with wine, coffee good music and great company.

TASTY!

See ya later, Alligator!

JJ Jalopy.

10 Simple Things that will Immediately Increase your Quality of Life

Good day!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend.

I hope you have a fantastic time with the people you love.

Here’s 10 simple things that you can do right now to immediately improve the quality of your life…

1. Get a teapot.

2. Have a bit of a tidy-up. Then have a nice cup of tea, made in your new teapot.

3. Put the phone back on its stand thing. It looks untidy lying down like that.

4. Get a mac. If you’re going to be sat in front of a computer you might as well make it a nice looking one. Like my beautiful silver iMac. Even if it crashes, you don’t get mad ’cause it’s just so pretty…

5. Tidy your computer desktop. You’ll never achieve Productivity Zen Mastery with all that crap in the way. So put those icons away somewhere. Do this: http://kinkless.com/article/kinkless_desktop

5. Buy loads of toothpaste, shampoo, soap, toilet rolls etc. Having to buy that stuff all the time is annoying.

6. Always have scissors, wrapping paper and tape in an easily accessible place. Wrapping up presents is painful enough at the best of times. Why make it harder on yourself?

7. Drink good wine. It’s nicer than the cheap stuff, you know. You deserve it.

8. Go outside. Go for a walk. Get some air. Sit under a tree. Hug it if you like. Just get outdoors. It’s good for you. 

And from Mrs. Jalopy…

9. Paint your nails. It makes life funner.

10. Carry tissues at all times.

Ta-ra! See you tomorrow!

JJ Jalopy.

This is beautiful.

Hi there!

I hope you had a great week.

I want to share this with you. It’s one of the most beautiful music videos I’ve ever seen, by the Icelandic band Sigur Rós.

If you have the time… then take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy six minutes of exquisite beauty.

http://www.vimeo.com/3977937

See you tomorrow!

JJ Jalopy.

Your substitute teacher for the day is…

Hey there!

Yeah, I know.

I’m looking a bit rough today. I’ve had a busy day and I’m bloody knackered. 

(That means I’m tired, my American friend.)

My bed is calling to me like a treacherous Siren.

Be silent – vile temptress of the sea – for I have a blog to write, folk to entertain and educate, babies to hug shirtless and oiled…

Actually, screw that. I’m going to bed!

In my place today will be surrogate blogger extraordinaire Mr. Johnny B. Truant. 

I discovered him recently in my quest to find the greatest writing on the internet as part of my evil networking plan. Johnny has been writing totally awesome guest posts on Naomi Dunford’s totally awesome IttyBiz blog. 

He’s funnier, better looking, far more modest, and slightly more profane than I. 

Here he talks about Marketing for Nice People and punching Ashton Kutcher in the face. Apparently these two activities are not mutually exclusive.

http://ittybiz.com/why-its-nice-to-be-nice/

Enjoy.

I’ll be human again tomorrow!

See you then!

JJ Jalopy.

A Perfect Day

Hi there!

How was your day?

I’m feeling pretty Zen right now.

At least I would be if Zen were an acceptable adjective.

I’ve been working like crazy today and now I’m basking in the pride and satisfaction of a Job Well Done and the fuzzy, wired aftermath of a serious caffeine overload.

My limbs feel like they’re about to fall off.

I can feel the blood passing through every one of my veins.

I feel totally worn out.

It might not sound like it, but it feels really good.

I’m on the train on my way home. When I get home I will give Mrs. Jalopy a hug and I’ll tell her I love her.

Then I’ll fall asleep with her head on my chest.

It’ll have been a perfect day.

See you tomorrow!

JJ Jalopy.

R-RATED INTERNET MARKETING RANT!

Hey there!

How are you this fine Tuesday evening?

Let’s share a whiskey and light up some cigars. We’re going to get R-rated today.

Sometimes I just love a good rant. 

I’ll admit to being an enthusiastic cheerleader for the benefits of positive thinking, but sometimes it’s a whole lot of fun to unleash a big torrent of uninhibited vitriol into the world.

Sometimes it can even be productive and educational.

I’ll maintain the pretense that this will be the case today. (Really, we’re just here for entertainment…)

Please don’t follow the forthcoming link if you’re easily offended, you have a mother, you’ve ever seen a rainbow, eaten a cupcake, kept a puppy, kept a hamster or were even the slightest bit offended by Janet Jackson’s left nipple.

Otherwise…. here’s a glorious and luxurious rant about internet marketing on the weblog metafilter.com in response to the news that the makers of a popular online advert blocking plugin are considering permitting advertisers to unblock their adverts. 

Highlights below…

You want attention for your goods or services? Make them the best you can. We’ll f—ing find you, ok? Eliminate your marketing department and take all of that money and all of those resources and refocus on making a product that doesn’t suck ass, and we’ll find you.

It was true before the internet in the age of better mousetraps and beaten paths, and is especially true now that “word of mouth” is a global phenomenon. Make good shit. Put up a simple but useful page. Be good to your customers and clients and we’ll find you and bury you in business.

Although I’m not going to agree completely with my angry friend, this actually fits in with my coaching marketing blueprint pretty well.

• Create massive value
• Take advantage of word of mouth marketing and social media in favor of old-school marketing and advertising techniques
• Rule the world!

Hope you’ve enjoyed yourself tonight. Tomorrow we’ll drink tea and talk about puppies and rainbows and little fluffy clouds.

JJ Jalopy.

Your right foot is stupid!

Hey there!

Are you sitting down?

Cool.

Wanna play a game? It’ll only take a second or two and it’s a lot of fun…

Good!

Now, pick up your right foot and start making clockwise circles with it.

Concentrate on your foot and don’t let anything distract you from moving your foot in clockwise circles. Okay?

Now, as you continue to do this, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand.

 

Is your foot still making clockwise circles…?

…

No – it has changed direction!

Amazing isn’t it?

Go on try it again – you can’t do it.

Now why is that, JJ? Hit me with some science!

Sorry, I have no idea. But it’s a fun little trick!

It’s amazing how we can confuse our minds like that…

Here’s a cool video of Tony Robbins talking about stress and the recession. Gotta love him…

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=7506072

Have fun! See you tomorrow.

JJ Jalopy.

Reboot.

Sometimes things are annoying.

Oh, sorry. That was rude of me. How are you?

Yeah, I’m a bit peeved.

I’ve been writing a super nerdtastic article on how to turbocharge your RSS feed and submit podcasts to iTunes! 

I’ve created beautiful screenshots with annotations, clear instructions and bullet points.

It really is a work of art. 

But I can’t share it with you yet…

…because I’ve been unable to turbocharge my own feed today. And my podcast remains unsubmitted.

I’m laying the blame for this entirely on feedburner.com because it’s the only part of the process that isn’t me. I know it’s probably my fault, but feedburner.com doesn’t have feelings and I think it’ll be okay shouldering the blame for a while.

Technical problems can be irritating because they are rarely the most profitable or effective thing you could be working on. 

And you never quite know how close you are to solving the problem.

It’s a shame to have spent four hours sorting out an RSS feed. But what if the solution is only a few minutes away? The payoff in those few minutes would be large. When do you give up?

Having gone through every troubleshooting attempt I can think of I have one last option to try… 

If there’s anything I learned from my time as an I.T. consultant, it’s that the first thing to try in the event of technical failure is to reboot the system.

That’s going to be my approach today. Except that the system is me.

Tomorrow I might have another go. Or I might decide to create an RSS feed for my podcasts manually. No turbocharging in sight. 

Either way I’ll show you how I did it, and that’ll make us both happy.

I’m off to bed for a reboot!

See you tomorrow. I’ll be cheerier then, no doubt…

Good night.

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. Two of my other websites are down today too. Sometimes it happens. Tomorrow will be better.

More Readers’ Niche Questions – How do I identify with my niche?

Hey Dude(tte). High five!

I’m back on the train, returning from a wonderful weekend with my parents in the countryside. It always feels relaxing to get away from the city for a while.

We’re returning this afternoon for our friend Ellie’s karaoke birthday party. There’ll be party food, lots of wine, Abba and glittery cowboy hats.

Not quite so relaxing…

…but a lot of fun!

I love karaoke. My friends usually wind up wrestling the microphone away from me so they can have a go.

Mrs. Jalopy doesn’t seem to enjoy my singing quite so much…

Right… This week has been truly nichetastic! I’ve used the word niche more often than is recommended or considered normal in polite company.

But that’s because I believe it’s super important to define and identify with your niche market.

So today I’m going to tackle another reader’s niche question…

JJ. I’ve picked a niche market to target, and I’ve created a simple representation of my average customer as you suggested, but I’m having trouble identifying with my customer. Do you have any tips on how I can get inside my prospective customer’s head?

This is a great question!

I realise now that it’s something I glossed over somewhat when we discussed this in the context of my business.

It is relatively easy to identify with your niche if you are already involved in that niche. It is even easier if your prospective customer is essentially a past version of you, before you solved some of your own problems.

But what if you are new to the niche? How can you identify with something you have never experienced yourself?

Well… I’m going to be answering this one in the second edition of my Jalopy Gang newsletter, which will hit your email box around midnight tonight (if you live on the East Coast.)

I’m going to share with you my secret niche-finding magic bullet! This is a veritable magic dowsing rod for finding profitable and untapped niche markets!

To be sure not to miss out, why not pop your name and email address into the boxes below?

You’ll be glad you did! It has been described (by me) as the greatest e-zine ever written!

See you then,

JJ Jalopy.

The TRUE SECRET to IMMENSE Personal Productivity!

Find something AWESOME to work on!

JJ Jalopy.

What would Tony do?

How to Become a Life Coach. Life Coaching Business Advice with Coaching Training Expert JJ Jalopy!

Hi there!

I hope you’re having a great day.

This is probably going to be the shortest post I ever write.

Today, I just want to share one simple question with you. One that still inspires me to action years after a good friend first dropped it on me.

I was tired. 

I was fed up.

I knew I could do better.

I knew I could try harder.

I wanted to. But I just couldn’t summon the energy.

Then… 

Dude, is that what massive action looks like?

What would Tony do?

It wasn’t. 

But I did a great impression of it shortly afterwards!

JJ Jalopy.

JJ’s Tom Waits Obsession

Tom Waits – Johnsburg, Illinois

She’s my only true love
she’s all that I think of
look here in my wallet
that’s her
She grew up on a farm there
there’s a place on my arm
where I’ve written her name
next to mine
you see I just can’t
live without her
and I’m her only boy
and she grew up outside McHenry
in Johnsburg, Illinois.

I love Tom Waits.

And this is my favorite song.

It’s the kind of song to listen when you’re away from home, drunk on minibar gin and you miss your wife.

Simple, bold and unashamedly romantic. It’s so beautiful it gives me goosebumps.

And it’s the perfect song for a late evening with my good friends here at www.jjjalopy.com

Put your feet up, relax and enjoy.

Then, if you don’t mind, please share your favorite song. What do you love about it?

JJ Jalopy.

Ouch!

How to become a coach. Coaching Business Advice with Hungover Coaching Mentoring Expert JJ Jalopy!

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death. 
Robert Benchley 

There’s an extra heartbeat in my head. 

 

So, yeah, the bachelor party was a lot of fun. Thanks for asking!

I’m sat with a cup of tea, listening to R.E.M.’s Automatic for the People album. It’s a tried and tested hangover busting regime which has worked wonders in the past.

I have a feeling this one is going to be a toughie.. 

If the tea doesn’t hit the spot then I’m going in search of an oxygen tank and a kidney dialysis machine.

I planned to talk tactics today. I planned to elaborate on Coach Kalpna’s excellent discussion on running trial coaching sessions.

But I’m not feeling the love for that right now. And I’ve nearly finished my tea.

So instead I’d like to share with you a quote from the book Warrior of the Light by Paul Coehlo. 

For the Warrior there is no such thing as an impossible love.

He is not intimidated by silence, indifference, or rejection.  He knows that behind the mask of ice that people wear, there beats a heart of fire.

This is why the Warrior takes more risks than other people.  He is constantly seeking the love of someone, even if that means often having to hear the word “no”, returning home defeated and feeling rejected in body and soul.

A Warrior never gives in to fear when he is searching for what he needs. Without love, he is nothing.

Is there a risk you want to be taking in your life? Let me know and we can all support you!

Thanks for stopping by today. 

I’ll see you tomorrow – I can’t wait to see you again!

JJ Jalopy.

The story about JJ and the bachelor party!

Well hello again!

How to become a coach. With Coaching Marketing Superstar JJ Jalopy!

How lovely to see you.

I’m afraid I’m running late, so if you don’t mind we’ll take a walk together and talk whilst we walk.

That’s true multitasking!

I’m off to Brighton, UK for my friend Jon’s stag weekend. That’s what we call a bachelor weekend over here in Britain.

We’d better rush because I have a feeling he might not be too happy if I missed the party because I was blogging…

I understand. Some people just find it hard to adjust to my new superstar status!

Anyway… I had planned to talk to you today about how you might run the trial coaching sessions you have coming up.

But I’m afraid we don’t have time today. So instead I have asked superstar coach and soon-to-be guest blogger extraordinaire Coach Kalpna (a.k.a. Mrs. Jalopy!) to write a few words for you on the subject!

I think you’re going to love her.

I certainly do.

So I’ll be posting that for you tomorrow. Of course, we’ll have a little chat as always. I wouldn’t miss that for the world!

Now, earlier today I was thinking about responsibility.

When I was younger I would see people blame others for the unfortunate events and circumstances of their lives, and it didn’t make any sense to me.

I couldn’t understand why they did that. It didn’t seem very helpful. Sometimes it would even make me a bit angry.

It was only when I began to really listen to people and really try to understand that the reasons began to make themselves clear to me.

I think it’s caused by the incorrect belief that we are not enough. That we don’t have the power to change our circumstances. That we don’t have everything we need within us right now to make change happen.

If you believe this then it is easy to blame your circumstances, your surroundings, the people you love.

I realized that I have been incredibly fortunate to have been given a strong set of beliefs by my parents (Mum and Dad Jalopy) from a very early age.

They gave me the belief that I could do anything if I put my mind to it.

They gave me the belief that I could work out anything by myself.

They gave me the belief that I don’t need anyone else or anything else.

And they gave me the support and the understanding to let me learn lessons by myself.

Mum and Dad Jalopy are true superstars. My Dad is the most generous and supportive man in the whole world. My Mum is unfailingly positive and doesn’t have a judgmental bone in her whole body.

Much of my perceived “success” in life I attribute to them and the beliefs they instilled in me from a young age.

Now I’m curious… Who have been your great role models in life? Who have you learned the most from? Who are you most grateful to in your life?

I’d love to read the answers in my comment box below!

Oh look. We’re at the station.

I’ve gotta go hop on that train! Thanks for walking with me. It’s been great talking to you, as always.

See you tomorrow for bachelor party tales! (I’ll keep it clean! )

Bye!

JJ Jalopy.

An Introduction to Systems Thinking and Process Optimization

How to become a business coach. With Coaching Marketing Expert JJ Jalopy.

Mmm…. It smells good in here, doesn’t it?!

I’ve been cooking.

Mrs. Jalopy has left me to fend for myself for a couple of days whilst she spends some quality post-Easter time with her Mom.

Now, a year ago this seemingly innocuous event would have had a catastrophic impact on my nutritional well-being. After four days time I’d have been unable to move for takeout boxes.

I’ve since been led to believe that this isn’t particularly attractive behavior.

And nowadays I’m ahead of the game!

I put on the silly white puffy hat and Chef Extraordinaire JJ Jalopé is born!

(Read it again in a comedy French accent, now you know it’s coming! Yann – you can do whatever you like! )

JJ Jalopé is an absolute genius in the kitchen. As long as there’s a detailed set of step-by-step instructions nothing is beyond his grasp!

This afternoon I created a shepherd’s pie and a meatloaf. I divided them up into meal-sized portions and put some of them in the fridge and some of them in the freezer.

Not only that, but the kitchen is spotlessly clean and everything is put away in its place, leaving me the whole evening to shoot the breeze with you lovely people.

As long as I maintain low expectations of variety in my diet, I’m all set for a few days!

Now, why am I telling you all this?

Well, let’s go back in time and think about what would have happened in Jalopyland a year ago…

Imagine a slightly more youthful JJ…

Mrs. Jalopy left a couple of days ago, leaving slightly-more-youthful-JJ alone with the Papa John’s takeout menu.

He’s just finished watching his 50th episode of Friends that day and he’s hungry. He can’t stomach the idea of more pizza, so he heads into the kitchen to find the silly white puffy hat.

Now the silly white puffy hat is on, JJ transmogrifies into Chef Extraordinaire JJ Jalopé!

 

As we know, JJ Jalopé is an absolute genius in the kitchen. He has his set of step-by-step instructions, so nothing is beyond his grasp!

In no time, he’s rustled up a shepherd’s pie and a meatloaf. He cuts off a slice of the meatloaf, puts it on a plate with some salad and takes it into the living room to eat in front of America’s Top Model.

So far so good, right?

Well now JJ is tired. He leapfrogs the pizza boxes and makes his way to the kitchen to tidy up before he gets ready for bed.

Imagine the horror in his eyes when he returns to that culinary laboratory. Every pot, pan and cooking implement in the house is either on the hob, in the sink or resting on the side!

And every one of them is filthy!

The prospect of tidying this mess is too much. JJ shuts the kitchen door and goes to bed.

Oh dear.

Now JJ discovers important things to do, and the kitchen door stays closed for a few more days.

When he finally braves the kitchen to get a piece of shepherd’s pie, he sees that he forgot to put the food in the fridge.

Whoops.

Food goes in trash. JJ phones for pizza.

Now Mrs. Jalopy is coming home tomorrow! It’s officially PANIC TIME!

JJ drafts in a crack team of (un)willing friends to clean the house from top to toe. It’s a monstrous and unpleasant job but it’s just gotta get done…

Phew. It’s done. It’s okay. There’s some residual mess that Mrs. Jalopy will probably notice, but we did it. She’ll appreciate the effort, even if she disapproves of the process!

Now when Mrs. Jalopy returns and life returns to normal, JJ reflects on his time alone…

The result of this reflection is the difference between today’s cooking and cleaning efforts and the horrid fictitious scenario of yesteryear.

Pour yourself a drink as I explain…

As a business consultant I think in terms of systems and processes.

At the most macroscopic level, the business can be thought of as one big machine. Money, time and effort go in one end; some processing happens in the middle; and (hopefully) more money comes out the other end.

Sure, that’s a massive simplification, but it’s also a very helpful one.

Each task that happens within that machine can be thought of as belonging to a process with well-defined inputs and outputs. There are many of these processes within the business machine. Some are connected, others are not. There is no real objectivity to these processes. They are defined by you, the business owner, in the way that best suits your needs.

Identifying, describing and optimizing the processes in the middle of the business machine is the key to maximizing the amount of money that comes out the other end.

Yeah fine, JJ, but give me something I can work with here.

Okay.

Let’s look at the process of making shepherd’s pie.

The inputs are:

• ingredients (the output of the shopping process)
• JJ’s time and effort

The output is:

• Umm… Pie.

In slightly-more-youthful-JJ’s case the pie-making process is far from optimal.

It created a lot of mess, which had to be tidied up later in a time-consuming clean-a-thon. Also, most of the output was lost because it went off. So in our little efficiency equation…

Efficiency = Output (stuff, money) – Input (money, time, effort, stuff etc.)

…I wasn’t doing very well. The output was minimal because I had spoiled the pie. The input was massive because I had to get a load of friends to help me tidy up!

So, in my time of reflection, I looked at the pie-making process and split it into 3 different sub-processes.

1. The food-making process (turning ingredients into pie)
2. The tidying process
3. Storing the food

The actual food-making process went pretty well. I successfully turned ingredients into pie. And it should have gone well because I had a recipe – step-by-step instructions.

I had already identified and described the process. (Or at least someone else had!)  So it’s no surprise that this bit worked out okay.

The tidying process, on the other hand, didn’t go quite so well. Up to this point, I hadn’t actually identified this as a process at all. Now, just because I hadn’t identified the need for a tidying process, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t have one. I did. It was just a bad one.

My process was to leave all the kitchen implements, pots and pans wherever I was last using them. And then tidy them all up in one massive cleaning session when I’m done cooking.

Every boy scout knows that this isn’t the best way to do things.

And in analyzing my cooking processes in this nerdy way that I enjoy so much, I too was able to figure out a better way!

The monumental realization I came to was to was this:

When I’ve finished using a pan, I’m going to have to put it somewhere… so I may as well put it straight in the dishwasher!

(You truly are getting cutting edge knowledge in this blog! )

So, after I’d identified the process, described it and realized how silly it was, I consciously crafted a new, optimized process.

Now, when I’m about to put down a pan or a wooden spoon I will ask myself if it’s the last time I’m going to use it. If it is, it goes straight in the dishwasher. If not then it stays on the side ready for the next time I need it.

Now I realize that most rational people do not need to map out their cooking processes to figure out that they’d save time by putting the spatula straight in the dishwasher! I’m sure, for example, that my Mom is shaking her head in bewilderment if she’s reading this right now!

What can I say? I’m strange. But this really has revolutionized my cooking!

Similarly, slightly-more-youthful-JJ had not recognized the need for a storing food process. Now I do.

I have meal-sized pieces of pie and meatloaf stored away in my fridge and freezer to prove it!

And I’m happily chatting to you in the knowledge that everything is working out well at Casa Jalopy!

In telling you that story I wanted to introduce you to the powerful world of systems- and process-based thinking.

It is key to a lot of what I do and much of what we’re going to discuss here as we work together.

I’d encourage you to have a think about the processes that run in your business and personal life. As you’ve seen, the mere act of identifying some of these processes can be very beneficial to you.

Tomorrow we’ll be visiting Japan to talk about the KEY to all personal and business development: Kaizen!

Stick around a while if you like. I’m going to take a nap!

Goodnight!

JJ Jalopy.

Become a Life Coach

Happy Easter!

How to become  a life coach. With Coaching Mentoring Expert JJ Jalopy.

Happy Easter!

I hope you’ve had a wonderful weekend.

Mrs. Jalopy and I enjoyed the traditional Easter treat of pizza, tea and Easter Eggs.

 

Not at the same time!

Thanks very much for your comments on my new look website. I’ve taken your comments on board and made a couple of changes. 

Firstly, I am now talking in black, rather than grey. Can you hear me better now?

I do hope so.

Secondly, I’ve removed the blog posts from the front page. For some reason, it was impossible to comment on blogs on the front page. Don’t ask me why.

So now they’re gone, replaced by a nice friendly introduction letter from your host, Mr. JJ Jalopy. This blog now lives on a separate page.

Please let me know if you have any other suggestions. It’s important to me that you like it here – I really enjoy having you around for tea.

Now in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s Easter Sunday. What are you doing listening to me?! Go and spend time with the people you love.

I’ll still be here tomorrow! Drop by and we’ll talk business and share some laughs. 

See you soon. Enjoy the rest of the day!

JJ Jalopy.

Oooh…it looks nice in here!

How to become a coach. Life Coaching and Business Coaching Business Advice with JJ Jalopy.

Why thank you!

How kind of you to notice!

I’ve been working hard today decorating my little home on the web.

So what do you think?!

I want the Jalopy brand to be authentic, fun, compassionate and challenging.

I want this community to be one in which learning, self-development and hard work are fun – a place where great relationships are built and help and support is always close by.

Do you think this new coat of paint is congruent with that message?

I’d love to hear what you think.

There’s still quite a lot of work to do but I’m pretty happy with it so far.

Happy Easter! Have a wonderful weekend!

JJ Jalopy.

JJ blogs from the pub…

How to Become a Coach. Coaching Business Advice with JJ Jalopy.

Hi there!

I’m impressed! How did you find me here?

An Englishman’s hiding place is the pub. That’s where I am now.

The pub is something that the English do really well.

Imagine taking a bar, lifting it out of the building it lives in, and then putting it down in your living room.

Now add a fire, a wet dog, flat beer and dubiously-shaped salty snacks.

That’s an English pub.

Allow me to buy you a beer and we’ll chat.

Now, there is a commonly accepted and well defined English pub etiquette. You should know about it before we go on.

The concept of the round is important. When two or more drinkers are in the pub, they drink in rounds.

As I was the first in the pub, and the first to offer, I bought the first drinks for all of you.

The next person to finish their drink will buy next round of drinks for everyone else. You order at the bar. It’s not obligatory to talk about the weather with the bearded drunk guy at the bar, but it is expected. This man is called a regular. His antisocial drunken behavior is overlooked because he comes here a lot. He has earned the privilege to misbehave through attrition alone.

The round system is designed to reduce crowding at the bar. It doesn’t always work because English people have a tendency to stand up and drink even though there are seats and tables free. It’s strange, but what can you do?

So we’ve got the basics down.

Let’s touch on the guidelines regarding  pub conversation.

If there is important conversation that needs to be had, it is talked about first.

Then it is put away and the remainder of the evening is dedicated to idle chatter, stories and jokes.

Let’s get the important conversation out of the way…

As part of my coach mentoring service I provide ongoing email support to all my clients. They often send me quick email questions, and I enjoy answering them.

Here’s a question I receive a lot…

Question: “How do I get testimonials from my clients?”

Answer: “You ask for them!”

Okay, okay. Whilst that may be good advice to a point, I realize that it’s only of so much value to you. We’ll be discussing how to get good testimonials in the coming weeks. For now, though it’s time for Pub Conversation Phase II: Idle Chatter.

When we first met, I mentioned that I had learned a lot from not reading the book Feel the fear and do it anyway, as the title had told me everything I needed to know.

Let’s spend a while thinking of other books we won’t bother reading…

I’ll go first:

Work like you’re showing off – Joe Calloway
Do what you love, the money will follow – Marsha Sinetar

Any more?

Rob – it’s your round! Shall we get some peanuts?

We’ll talk shop again tomorrow.

Until then… Cheers!

JJ Jalopy.

Become a Life Coach