Happy Fourth of July!

I had planned to write this post last weekend.

I had also planned to send out my awesome and much-hyped (by me) Jalopy Gang Newsletter to my beloved V.I.P. list.

Instead I sat on a beach in the South of France for about 12 hours in the blistering heat and drank enough premium French Lager to kill a horse. (And a burly, hard-drinking one at that.)

Don't ask...

Predictable results ensued.

I am never going on another bachelor weekend again.

So… I’ve been away for a while. This post almost didn’t happen. Newsletter awesomeness didn’t manifest. And God wept.

But NOW I’m back….

And it’s time to talk about our issues. You and me. In a non-creepy, constructive way with no seedy old therapist bores in sight.

None of this...

The introductory story about the man with no name.

An unnamed client recently came to me to ask for help in promoting his business on the internet.

(He’s doesn’t actually have no name. He has a very lovely name, in fact. It’s just that I’m not telling you what it is.)

He has a small but successful offline business, and he’s looking to expand his marketing efforts online. Good for him. This idea gets the Jalopy Seal of Approval. (You can have one too for a small donation into my Paypal account.)

He’s getting a website designed. It looks pretty flash. It’s even made of Flash.

That’s a cool looking website, I said. Do you have a blog?

No. I don’t want a blog, he replied.

We’ve spoken about blogs before, me and he. He knows that I believe that the blog is the pinnacle of awesomeness when it comes to non-pushy, value- and relationship-focused internet marketing. This is true for a million reasons I have bored him with previously, and a million reasons that I’ll explain to you in my forthcoming product How to Use the Internet as your Faithful Marketing Love Slave.

So I stared at him blankly until he elaborated.

I don’t have time to maintain a blog, he replied.

The reason you don’t do something is rarely because you don’t have enough time. If something is important enough to you, you’ll make time for it.

<<Blank stare>>

<<Silence>>

I don’t have anything original to say.

What I have to say is boring. People won’t be interested in that.

And I don’t write very well.

And I’d run out of things to talk about.

And I don’t like putting myself “out-there” so personally. What if everyone realizes I’m not as much of an expert as I’d like to pretend? What if everyone realizes I’m weird or thinks I’m a screw-up?

Great. Now we were actually getting somewhere

So let’s talk these through together, one by one…

Hello. My name is

Objection 1 – I don’t have anything original to say.

We started to address this in our first small business therapy session.

It’s not true that everything worth writing about has already been written about by someone.

But it nearly is.

So does that mean you can’t write about it too?

Must every point you make be completely and totally original? A unique and perfectly-formed gem of knowledge spawned from your mind only?

Of course not!

What’s important is that you say what you have to say, in your own voice, at the right time.

In doing that, you’ll change lives.

Don’t believe me?

Okay. Have you ever heard something that you’ve heard a hundred times before, but for some reason, this time you hear it, something really clicks?

Why is it that the same information, presented slightly differently, only sunk in when you heard it described in a certain way, by a certain person?

It’s because that person was able to describe it to you in a way that you could uniquely relate to.

There are people that need to hear what you have to say. From you.

And you owe it to them to be yourself, to tell your story, to spread your knowledge.

Next…

Objection 2 – What I have to say is boring. People won’t be interested in it.

Yes Sir. I'd love to read your NASCAR blog.

There are many massively popular blogs that I find mind-numblingly tedious.

What does this tell us?

Well… it either means that I’m a poor judge of blog quality…

…or it tells us that different people like different stuff.

Have you ever done any random, un-targeted web browsing? (You should. It’s an excellent procrastination aid, if nothing else!)

If you have, then you’ll know that there’s a huge amount of unoriginal, pointless, yawn-inducing stuff out there. And it’s very very popular.

Which means that there must be a whole ton of people who like unoriginal, pointless, yawn-inducing stuff.

Or rather, a whole load of people who like the stuff that I think is unoriginal, pointless and yawn-inducing.

Someone will like your boring stuff. I promise!

Now, maybe you’re worried that no-one will show up to read your blog?

That’s a different issue. And a largely practical one.

Getting people to read your stuff is largely a function of how well you promote it. If you promote it well, people will come. And even if I might think it’s tedious, irrelevant and unoriginal, other people will not. They’ll visit and they will return.

There are more than enough weirdos on the internet for your weird blog to have a weird audience of its own.

There. Doesn’t that make you feel better?!

Next…

Objection 3 – I don’t write very well

I know how this can feel.

I love good writing. I’m attracted to some of my favorite blogs predominantly because of their unique and creative writing style.

Sometimes, when I’m reading a beautifully written blog such as www.copyblogger.com, a little voice appears in my head – the one that says:

JJ – you’ll never be this good. Why don’t you just give it up?

And part of that voice is correct. I probably will never be that good. I probably could be, were I to really work at it, but that’s not my focus.

Sometimes my ego and my desire to be the best at everything stops me from remembering why I am blogging in the first place.

I’m not blogging to become a great blogger. Or even a great writer.

I’m blogging to help people to succeed with their small home businesses. I’m blogging to help people leave their day jobs and do something that inspires and excites them. I’m blogging to promote my services and forthcoming awesome products.

Well yes. Indeed.

The best writing style for a blog is a conversational tone. Imagine your average reader is in front of you and talk to them as a friend.

If you can write the way you talk when you’re having a coffee or a beer with a friend then you’ll be a great blogger.

Next…

Objection 4 – I’d run out of things to talk about

I strange and wonderful thing starts happening when you start writing.

Ideas seem to be born out of nowhere.

You’ll be writing a post and you’ll get ideas for five more. If you make it your intention to come up with ideas for blog posts and then go about your day, you’ll be surprised at how many great ideas pop into your head.

Give it a try.

Next…

Objection 5 – I don’t like putting myself “out there”. What if everyone realizes I’m not as much of an expert as I’d like to pretend? What if everyone realizes I’m weird or thinks I’m a screw-up?

Ah yes.

You’re going to be writing about yourself and you’re scared that people might find out that you’re not perfect.

Yeah. Makes sense. Because we love people who claim to be perfect, don’t we?

We really connect with them, don’t we?

We feel so appreciated and understood when we’re around someone who says they’ve never made any mistakes in their lives, don’t we?

You see where I’m going with this…

Good.

Your story will give someone hope. Your story is the reason people will finally understand what they haven’t been able to understand so far from anyone else.

Your story is the reason people are there, reading a blog and not an encyclopedia.

Be honest. Be yourself. Rock the world.

<<Deep breath>>

That was good. I enjoyed that.

It’s been lovely. See you tomorrow!

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. If you enjoyed that then you might want to sign-up to my V.I.P. list. You’ll get an email newsletter every week (except when I have heatstroke.) Sign-up now and get it tomorrow!

Today we’re going to do some coaching math. (Put an S on the end of that if you feel like being British for the day.)

Don’t worry. It’ll be nice and easy. And I’m going to hold your hand every step of the way and tell you that you’re doing great.

So… let’s pretend my star mentoring client and imaginary blog sycophant Life Coach Marjorie comes to me with the goal of making $100,000 a year from coaching next year.

Superstar Life Coach Marjorie!

That’s a good goal.

Marjorie’s a great coach. She’s the best, in fact.

But without a concrete plan showing how she’s going to make that money, it’s unlikely that Marjorie is going to wind up achieving her income goal simply by being brilliant.

Thankfully, Marjorie and I are a great team. She’s a life coaching superstar, and I’m an annoying guy who makes her write dates and numbers on piece of paper until it looks like some kind of plan.

And this is a good thing. Because the plan is going to show Marjorie how she can go from zero to $100,000 a year.

So we write $100,000 at the top of our piece of paper. This is our target. We brainstorm how we’re going to get there…

My regular coaching rates are $200 a month, explains Life Coach Marjorie.

Great.

I think I can probably maintain 10 clients a month on average over the year, she goes on to say,

So let’s write that down (pretending that taxes, expenses and other undesirables don’t exist…)

10 Coaching Clients per month @ $200 = $2000 per month = $24,000 per year.

Cool.

But it’s not quite $100,000 yet.

Marjorie could try to reach her goal, by doing on of the following:

• coaching 50 people a month
• increasing her rates to $1000 a month

Fortunately, Marjorie is smarter than that.

And she has been listening to me when I harp on about the value of producing information products to support her coaching service. She thinks it would be a good idea to write a small downloadable eBook on goal setting.

I do too.

This downloadable book will:

• provide a nice customer entry point for people who aren’t yet ready to stump up the $200 for Marjorie’s coaching
• increase her credibility and establish her as an authority in the personal development / coaching field
• make her money

Marjorie thinks she can write the 20 page book and get the design and distribution sorted out in a month.

She’ll sell it as a $19 download. She estimates that 40 people will buy it every month.

40 eBooks per month @ $19  profit = $760 per month = $9120 per year

That’s pretty good going for a month’s work.

Marjorie thinks she has another book in her. This one is going to be a larger, more comprehensive affair. It’s a manual for housewives who want to get back into work.

She thinks she’ll be able to write it and get it on the market in 3 months. She’ll sell it as a $69 download, with an option to pay extra postage for a printed version. She thinks she’ll sell 20 copies a month.

20 Printed Books per month @ $69 profit  = $1380 per month = $16,560 per year

As Marjorie is the greatest coach in the world, she thinks it’s only fair to impart some of this magic on other coaches. She decides to record a CD program with recordings of real coaching sessions. She takes on a few new coaching clients at reduced rates on the agreement that she may record the sessions. She asks her friend’s son to edit the sessions on his computer. She arranges for a fulfillment house to manufacture and distribute the CDs on her behalf.

This takes 2 months.

She sells the CD program for $150. Due to the small expected volumes it costs $15 to manufacture and ship the CD sets. She expects to sell 10 CD sets a month.

10 CD Programs per month @ 135 profit = $1350 per month = $16,200 per year

And if we add this up we come to:

Total projected, 6 months into plan:  $65,880 per year.

So far in our plan we’ve covered 6 months. Marjorie is well on her way to reaching her target next year.

We’ll stop here, but Marjorie might want to go on to write some new eBooks, start a subscription service, run tele-classes or produce another high-end physical product (or two.)

All of these will provide extra income. The introduction of new customers via an increased channels will result in more repeat business, and many of the numbers above can be expected to grow.

This is an interesting model to play with and think about and it’s a good basis upon which to build a plan…

…but don’t believe the numbers in this example. We’ve made some pretty huge assumptions here. All products have a limited shelf life and there are many other costs which have not been considered in the model.

I think the most interesting thing that comes out of this is the realization that the one-one-one coaching model is not very scalable. I’d advise everyone, coaches or otherwise to be on the lookout for ways to supplement their income. This is where the money lies…

Be creative. You rock!

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. If you’re interested in more thinking along these lines, you should check out Andrea J Lee’s awesome book Multiple Streams of Coaching Income.

If you get it using this link here, I’ll receive enough money to buy myself a lovely cold beer. And that would be nice, wouldn’t it? Especially on a summer day like this. Go on… I’m a happy drunk, I promise…

How are you? It’s so good to see you again – it’s been a while.

I had a fantastic time in Monaco, thank you very much.

But I’ve been in bed for the last two days. The combination of too-much-sun and not-enough-water will do that to you, it seems.

Ouch

So, as I was hallucinating in bed last night, trying to shiver my way to sleep, I got to thinking about why most people’s mini-businesses don’t succeed.

What is the difference that makes the difference? I thought to myself, because I liked the way it sounded.

The difference that makes the difference is indifference, I replied, because I was high on sunstroke and I liked the way that sounded even more.

But I knew it didn’t make sense. Certainly not in this context anyway.

So I pulled myself together and searched my brain for a more helpful question. If I wasn’t going to sleep, I might as well do some productive thinking.

What do people most need to help their businesses thrive?

That’s better.

I don’t think it’s more information, I replied. Most people know a few things they could be doing right now to move their business forward, get more clients and stuff.

(And if they don’t, they should click on that link for a few very simple suggestions.)

The problem is that they’re not doing them.

Bingo.

What people most need is to actually do the stuff they already know they should be doing.

Brilliant! A stroke of genius.

If there’s a Nobel Prize for the most obvious and naive piece of business advice then I’m first on the shortlist.

I went to sleep.

So, why aren’t they doing these things?

Well…

Because some of the things on that list are rather unsexy.

Because some of the things on that list are a bit scary.

And, quite frankly, they’d rather be drinking margaritas, eating biscuits in bed, or flirting with the hot teenage gardener.

One for the laaaydeees....

Not that those aren’t useful and enjoyable activities. I’m sure they are. It’s just that they aren’t going to help your business grow. And then you’re not going to be able to afford those margaritas.

I want you to have all the margaritas / pool boys / hot nannies / ice-cream (delete as appropriate) that you desire.

But first… I want you do some of those things on your list.

(NOTE: I’m well aware that I’m the only one who uses under-the-covers margarita and biscuit binges as an excuse not to follow through on tedious marketing tasks. I’m sure your excuses are much more socially acceptable and involve kids, chores and family responsibilities. Unfortunately, these things are not as funny to me so they don’t get much of a mention today. Thanks.)

So here’s what we’re going to do…

(It’s pretty cutting edge.)

What I want you to do, is to pick a few items you know you should be doing (borrow some of these, if you need.)

Then write each of these on a single day on your calendar.

And then do them on that day.

Let your calendar be your coach. It’ll tell you what to do and it tell you when to do it. You won’t even have to think about it. Just do it.

If you think this is the most obvious and condescending piece of advice you’ve ever heard, then you’re probably right.

But I can’t overemphasize the importance of getting the basics right. Most mini-businesses fail because they never really get going. The key is to start moving, and keep going.

Thanks for putting up with my nonsense today. I’ll see you tomorrow!

JJ Jalopy.

People are rarely looking for more information. In fact, often they feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information at their fingertips.

They are looking for exactly the right information at the right time. And they are looking to have it pre-approved by someone they trust.

Do you satisfy this need for your customers?

Have you established trust with your customers?

Do you keep your customers’ problems in mind at all times?

Do you filter relevant and helpful information, share it with your customers in a consistent way, and let your customer know you’re helping them out?

Good! Well done you.

See you in Monte Carlo, you lovely information filter, You.

JJ Jalopy.

It’s great to see you again.

This is going to be a quick one today, because I have to go and pack my suitcase.

Tomorrow I’m flying to Monaco for a long weekend. It’s (yet) another bachelor party….

I’ll be sure to bring a massive Toblerone back for Mrs. Jalopy!

Now… I’ve talked before about the power of making constant small incremental improvements in your business. (Kaizen, baby!)

The big consulting houses have made a living out of this for years.

If you can make 10 processes 10% more efficient then you’ll make 10 gazillion times more money.

Or something.

Now it’s rare that I set myself up as a positive role model on this blog… but today I took a small step towards increasing the number of people that turn up at my (virtual) door, and I’d like to encourage you to do the same.

So what did I do?

Simply, I introduced a new channel by which people can find me. I took out an advert.

So what could you do? How you could you increase your leads?

Why not pick one of the following:

• Put an advert on Craigslist
• Hand deliver sales letters in your local area, or mail them to a list relevant to your business.
• Start a blog!
• Write a new blog post. (It has been a while, hasn’t it?!)
• Start Pay Per Click Advertising on Google
• Make Google love you a little more (SEO) by:
  • creating a Squidoo lens or Hubpages space, linking to your website
  • highlighting some of your keyword phrases in your web pages or posts.
  • adding some internal links within your website to the pages you want people to visit the most.
• Buy a banner advert on a relevant website.
• Comment on relevant industry blogs. Or join the discussion on a relevant internet forum. Be unique and add value.
• Record a video and post it to YouTube.
• Go Viral! Create an awesome thing linking to your website. Give it away for free. Encourage others to do the same.

Go on. Pick one and do it today. Google will tell you how, if you’re not sure!

Or ask here. I love questions.

See you soon. Take care!

JJ Jalopy.

That you’re the only one struck by huge crises of confidence.

That you’re the only one too scared to pick up the phone, go to that event, make that decision.

You might look at successful people and say to yourself:

What’s the matter with me? These people never worry that they’re not good enough. They never wake up at 2:00 AM in a cold sweat wondering where the money is going to come from and whether they’ll be eating their left arm for dinner next week.

And this makes you feel alone.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

You see, most people who are in the business of dispensing business advice have a vested interest in you thinking that they have their stuff together. In adopting a position of authority, they depend upon social proof and the illusion of expertise, credibility and success to maintain their personal brand.

The result? They are unlikely to share their worries with you. They are unlikely to reveal that they, too, still suffer from crises of confidence now and then.

You might come to the conclusion that successful people just don’t freak out.

There is also much emphasis placed upon positive thinking and positive communication these days. If you go on Twitter, you’ll be inundated with messages of positivity, inspirational quotes and reminders to live every day like it’s your last!

It’s nice, and can be just what you need at times…

…but when you’re freaking out, thinking that you’re a total failure and wishing you could give it all up right now, then these people’s well-intentioned messages of inspiration feel like needles poking into your brain.

To paraphrase Russell Brand, it’s like being beaten over the head with a freaking rainbow.

Seize the day, they say!

Grab that sword, confront your fears, and slay that dragon of fear like the fear slaying dragon killer you were born to be, they say.

And you feel like you’re the only one (understandably) too busy throwing your own pity party to go anywhere near that bloody sword.

I can’t, you say. I’m throwing myself a big pity party. I feel hopeless. I want empathy, not vague “motivational” platitudes.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of your energy, they say.

So you pick up that sword and shove it right into their gullet.

This makes you feel better.

But we don’t need to go maiming people with imaginary swords to feel better about all this. The fact is that, all of us feel unconfident sometimes and all of us freak out sometimes.

So, every weekend for the next few weeks, we’re going to have a little small business owner therapy session, here within the safe walls of our our home here in Jalopyland. We’re going to try to meet these issues with understanding and talk them through together.

Like therapy. But with no tedious old men.

Hopefully it will be helpful to you. Even if it just makes you feel grateful that you’re not as screwed up as me!

People are already doing it better than me!

You might have done all the market research in the world. You think you know what you’re doing.

Then… BOOM!

Here comes the crisis of confidence.

You’re worried that you’re not good enough.

Or rather, you wonder why you should carry on when other people are already doing That Thing You Do better.

There are many life coaches who are so much better than me, you say. Why would someone go to me when they could hire Mr. SuperCoach down the road?

There are many people who are much better writers than me, you say.

There are many people who are more confident or charismatic than me, you say,

There are many people who are more knowledgeable, or have more experience than me, you say.

Here’s what I say….

It doesn’t matter.

People don’t come to you for your expertise, success, experience or knowledge.  They don’t come to you because you’re the shiniest, greatest, or the most successful.

They come to you because of the way you make them feel.

Don’t believe me? Let me give you some case studies…

Where I go for lunch.

I spend a lot of time in a town called Watford, just North of London, UK, doing business consultancy work.

I like to get away from the office at lunchtime and go and sit down to eat. There are many places I could go for lunch. Many of them part of a big successful chain of restaurants, some of them small independent places.

My very favorite lunchtime venue is a small Lebanese restaurant called Nana’s Bakery.

Yum!

I don’t go there because it’s the most convenient for me. (I have to walk down a busy, unfashionable main road to get there.)

I don’t go there because it’s the cheapest.

I don’t go there because they have the best food in the world (although it is pretty good!)

I don’t go there because they are well-known or because I’ve heard about them on TV.

I go there because they make me feel welcome. I go there because I get a big friendly welcome every time I walk in the door. I go there because they know my name, they give me free tasters of dishes they’re trying out, they invite me into the kitchen to show me how they make their flatbreads.

I go there because they are my kind of people.

And they’re always very busy because many other people feel the same way.

Now, if they had given up simply because there were already successful restaurants in the area, or similar small ethnic restaurants in the area, then my lunchtime would be a sadder affair.

Where I go for my blogtime.

If I want to read about health and meditation I go to www.anthonylemme.com

In fact, I go there even when I don’t want to read about health or meditation because I like hanging out there.

I could learn from Deepak Chopra, or some other heavily made-up guy who sits on Oprah’s coach.

You can never be too enlightened for eyeliner.

But I read Anthony.

Even though his website looks like crap.

Even though he’s not yet as well known as many of the other people I could learn from.

Why?

Because I like the laid back vibe.

Because I like that reading Anthony’s stuff feels like talking to a friend.

Because I like that he talks about rock and roll, sex and meditation all in the same sentence.

Because I like the emotional experience I get there.

So what can we learn from these examples?

We learn that there is absolutely room for you, because you are You.

So, other people are already doing That Thing You Do?

That’s great! Because it tells you there is a demand for that thing. And there’s always a room for another voice, another point of view, a slightly different experience.

What people want most of all is to feel understood, to feel connected, to feel part of something.

To be successful you need to provide a consistent emotional experience that will be appealing to a certain group of people

As a small business, you are in a unique position to connect with people by being authentically you.

And you’re #1 in the world at that!

Okay, but are people really going to pay me for my services just because they like me, when they could go hire someone better?

Um, yeah. Kinda.

Not everyone wants the best in the world, and not anyone can afford the best in the world,

There is a place for you. I promise.

Some silly questions to finish

What would have happened…

… if The Beatles had given up because they thought they could never be as good as Elvis?

… if Beethoven thought he could never be Mozart, so didn’t even bother?

… if Rihanna thought she could never be Britney?

(Okay, maybe scrap the last one…)

See you soon!

JJ Jalopy.

Did you like this?

Of course you did! Sign-up to my V.I.P. list to get awesome stuff like this in your email box every week. Add your name and email address below.

In fact, it was this very act that prompted me to come and talk to you.

I’d been reading a fantastic article I’d written earlier in the week about the limiting beliefs we have about marketing.

Gosh, I thought to myself. Isn’t this a wonderfully informative, enjoyable and light-hearted read? This guy is just like me. It’s great to feel so understood.

And then I read this: (emphasis added for the benefit of our little conversation here)

You know that the thing that your selling rocks. So go tell people about it. Spread the love. Spread the happy. Change lives. Change the bloody world!

This guy’s an idiot, I thought.

Now I despise grammatical elitism as much as the next person with something more important to worry about.  But some things just make you look dumb.

So yes, I am fickle. Yes, I am judgmental.

And this would be fine if I were the only judgmental asshole in the world.

Unfortunately, I’m not.

Most people who understand that your and you’re mean two different things will think less of you if it appears that you don’t. Not in a moral kind of way, of course, but certainly in an is-this-person-clever-enough-to-teach-me-stuff kind of way…

And that’s not ideal when you’re in the business of dispensing wisdom.

Have you heard of the term hygiene factor? It was coined by a dude named Frederick Herzberg, a psychologist who made his name in business management. He was interested in what motivates an employee.

He came up with the idea of a hygiene factor – something that causes dissatisfaction when missing, but does not increase satisfaction when present. Just as washing your hands stops you from getting horribly ill, but does not necessarily fill you with youthful vitality and joy!

In your company communication, the quality of your spelling and grammar is a hygiene factor.

You’re not going to win anyone over with your perfectly concise sentence construction.

No-one is going to fall in love with you because you use big fancy words or know where to put a semicolon.

But they might think you’re a bit dumb if you get its and it’s all muddled up.

We all make mistakes. I generally write late at night and I write very quickly. I don’t rework much of my writing and I don’t proofread as thoroughly as I might. The seductive call of my bed is generally more attractive to me than the idea of reading through something I’ve already read, however fantastic and hilarious it might be.

But I will be proofreading more carefully in future.

Whether you like it not, people will judge. So have a little think your business. What things are damaging your customers’ perception of you or your brand?

Do you, for example, have a blank About Me page?

Why?!

Why, oh why?

Do you realize how bad that looks?

Clean it up! Sort it out!

See you tomorrow.

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. Please kick my butt if I haven’t sorted that About Me page out soon!

I hope you had a wonderful weekend.

Relax, put your feet up and pour yourself your favorite drink as I tell you a story.

It was Wednesday evening this week. I sat down at the lovely big glass desk in my man cave and turned on the computer.

I feel great about today, I said to myself as my mac sprung into action. I’m going to get loads of productive work done.

I fired up my web browser and logged onto Twitter.

Tweet Tweet

A lengthy aside about Twitter

For the uninitiated, Twitter is a bit like an online bar (except that you have to bring your own alcohol and you don’t need to wear pants.) There’s a load of people, a load of noise, some cool fun interesting people to meet, and some terrible dullards.

There are people who want to convince you that hawking overpriced vitamins on your friends and family is a good idea, as well as people who just want to hang out, get to know some people and have some fun.

The key to using Twitter in a way that doesn’t suck, is to ignore the first lot and befriend and engage with the second lot. Just as you’d walk away from the drunk guy in the corner dribbling on his sweater, and go talk to fun looking lady on the unicycle making balloon animals.

For the small home business owner, Twitter is an excellent networking and marketing tool. Especially if you’re prepared to take the time to do your marketing in a personable, non-creepy way.

It can also be an excellent procrastination aid.

It really shouldn’t be. 

It takes a few seconds to say something funny that’s on your mind, check out what other people are up to, and then get back to work.

It should be a perfect-sized refreshing break…

…if you have well-defined work to be getting back to.

So, back to my story… What happened with me?

Well, I noticed a comment from an internet friend. (That’s a friend I know through the internet, not a friend who is an internet. There’s only one of those.)

And I replied to said comment with a hilarious comment about rolling a watermelon down a hill, turning a house upside down with a big stick and a rock as a lever, or some other such nonsense. I don’t remember what it was right now, but it was surely absolutely hilariously irreverent.

Gosh, I am terribly amusing sometimes, I thought to myself.

And then I checked my email.

I had a message from the illustrator I’ve been working with. (I found him using elance. You can find out how to do this effectively in this article here.)

He’s making a cartoon logo of me, for reasons that are much more to do with satisfying my own ego than any serious branding considerations.

He had sent me some sketches. It’s really cool to see a cartoon version of you. I sent it to Mrs. Jalopy and a few friends. I debated whether my nose looked too big and whether my hair was curly enough.

I shot an email back to my illustrator dude. If I’m going to be a cartoon, I’m going to be a bloody good looking one, that’s for sure.

I requested a cartoon nose job.

What a pretty cartoon!

An hour had now passed since I first sat down to work.

I should finish that article on confidence that I’ve been writing on and off for the last week. Or I should finish the About Me page on my website, or that Squidoo lens, or those sketches I’ve been promising the web designer…

Yeah, but first… I bet someone has replied to that hilarious comment I made on Twitter. 

They hadn’t. Perhaps no-one had read it yet. Or maybe they thought it was so hilarious that they couldn’t think of a worthy reply. Yeah, that was probably it.

So I logged onto Facebook, made a few comments on some people’s photos, watched some videos of monkeys playing with firearms. Soon got tired of that.

The bit where I hurry the story a little because you’ve got the idea by now…

Looked at my cartoon again.

Thought about finishing that article.

Or the one for April which has now been festering even longer. (Sorry April, if you’re listening. It is like totally brilliant though.)

Thought about making that squidoo thingywotsit.

Emailed the web-designer dude with a link to a website that I think is prettier than the one we’re making…

Finally I sat down to finish the article.

But by now I was feeling really tired and Mrs. Jalopy has already gone to bed. I don’t like it when we go to bed separately. I miss my snuggletime.

So I turned off the computer and go to bed, feeling a little guilty about how long I had just spent doing pretty much nothing.

So what went wrong?

Gosh. Lots of things. Where do we start?

I had no goal.

To be successful at doing stuff you first have to know what it is that you want to do.

“I’m going to do some networking and hopefully finish that article, talk to the web-designer and illustrator” is not a goal.

So what would have looked better? How about this?

I’m going to finish my article on confidence and reply to any urgent emails. I’ll give myself a couple of breaks to make tea and to briefly connect with people on Twitter.

I had no deadlines or defined timescales.

I had blocked off a period of time in which I was going to “do work”. I had allowed myself to be okay with not finishing anything. I was happy simply to be doing work stuff.

So I flitted around, satisfying my little ego with cartoon nose jobs and flirting with imaginary friends on Twitter.

What would have looked better?

I’m going finish my article on confidence tonight, before I go to bed. 

I had no accountability.

I sometimes talk about making non-negotiable agreements with yourself. 

This is when you say, I’m going to finish this article before I go to bed because I’ve decided that I will. There is no other way. 

You’re being accountable to yourself. You’re coaching yourself.

Accountability to yourself. And to others.

You may also get a lot of value being accountable to a coach, or a mastermind group trying to achieve similar things together.

Either way, accountability is a big piece of the puzzle. 

The bit at the end where we wrap things up.

I’m sure the story I just confessed is totally unfamiliar to a productive and efficient business person like you!

Or maybe it’s not so much…

I find it interesting that the basics to working productively are so simple, straightforward and easily understood – but also difficult to act upon consistently.

There is a huge payoff in getting the basics right. Having a plan, putting timescales and deadlines against all your tasks and being accountable to yourself and others… these are the basics.

And we’d do well to set up a habit to remind ourselves of this every single day as we sit down to work. And make a non-negotiable agreement with ourselves to do these things – even if we don’t feel like it.

How do you manage this? What systems do you have in place to remind yourself of the basics to working effectively? What strategies to you have when procrastination rears its ugly head?

Let me know! You know you can talk to me below. And you know I love it when you do!

See you soon.

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. I believe that procrastination is actually a very complex issue. It is my belief that no-one self-sabotages. All of our decisions are, I believe, made with our best interests in mind, but with limited or “flawed” information. In this post, I don’t mean to make light of the issue of procrastination, simply to highlight the importance of getting the basics right.

Recently I have been evangelizing about the benefits of outsourcing tasks in your home business.

I know it can be hard to relinquish responsibility to other people, especially if you’re a control freak like me. And I understand that it can be especially difficult when you have to pay for the privilege…

But outsourcing tasks will free up time for you to work on the things that really make the difference.

It will pay off in spades.

So, having convinced you in three lazily-constructed half-sentences that outsourcing is A Really Good Thing, I’m now going to introduce you to a great resource called Elance. 

Elance is essentially a big market place that allows people who want stuff done to get together with people who want to get paid to do stuff.

Which is great. Because we’ve all got a lot of stuff.

So how does this work, Mr. JJ man?

Well, imaginary blog reader sycophant, the way I like to use Elance is to post details of my project or task and then watch as the people who want to get paid to do stuff flood me with bids for the work I’m offering.

This is nice and easy and simple and inflates my sense of self-importance.

Posting jobs on Elance does wonders for your self-esteem.

I like that.

So, are you going to give us some awesome tips, as per usual Mr. Jalopy?

Sure thing m’lady…

How to post an awesome job description

Make your project description clear and specific. Say exactly what you want and when you want it. Have other people read it and then explain back to you what they have understood.

If there is any possible way that something can be misinterpreted, it probably will be. <<Insert your own amusing illustrative story here, if you like. Go wild>>

So yeah. Basically you want to remove any possibility of misinterpretation.

And add attachments or links to your website, if relevant, to illustrate what you want done. If you have sketches, brainstorms or notes then scan them and upload them. A picture is worth a thousand words and all that.

How to pick a bidder that kicks ass rather than sucking it

After a few hours, hungry providers will start to submit bids.

It can be pretty overwhelming sometimes. It might make you feel a little slutty the first time.

Some of these will be better than others.

This is me being polite. Most of the responses you get are going to suck ass. You don’t want an ass-sucking outsourcer. So, to sort the wheat from the chaff, ask yourself the following questions:

Have they actually, you know, read your job description?

Many bidders will bid on anything without really looking at the description. People that do this are usually doing this because they have to. They’re playing a nasty spammy, slutty numbers game. Because they suck.

How long have they been on Elance?

Ideally you want someone with some experience. Obviously.

What is their feedback like?

People who’ve had stuff done  can leave feedback on people who did stuff. Look through the bidder’s previous feedback and comments to figure out if they did a good job and if people were generally happy with them.

People are usually pretty honest and you can get some good insight here.

Do they address any of the specific issues you highlighted in your job description?

Do they give some indication of how exactly how they can help you?  

Have they looked at your website and the documentation you sent them? Have they taken the time to spell out the specific benefits that hiring them will give you?

Or are they sending you the same generic responses that they send out to everyone?

How to make sure the person you’ve chosen does what you want them to do?

Sometimes people misunderstand each other.

Most of the time people misunderstand each other. 

So don’t assume that your lovely new outsourcing chap actually understands what you want him to do. 

Before you let him get to work ask him to explain back to you exactly what he thinks are your requirements. Correct and clarify as necessary. Rinse and repeat. 

Now, once your outsourcer can explain to you what you need him to do, identify relevant milestones and set up a system by which he can provide regular updates so you can ensure everything stays on track, or you can identify problems early on.

I like to receive daily short email updates, in which my provider will list what they’ve achieved and any questions they might have.

Be specific with your feedback requirements. If you want him to spend no more than 5 minutes on a daily email update, then tell him that. Otherwise he’ll probably write an essay. Again, assume nothing. 

What do you do once it’s all done?

Give honest feedback and testimonials. 

Make sure you keep in touch with them if they did a great job, and refer them to your friends and colleagues. They’ll both love you for it.

Share the love!

Cool, eh?

Do you have any tips you’d like to add? Talk to me in the comments. I love comments – especially yours.

See you later dude(tte)!

JJ Jalopy.

I’m back!!

I’ve missed you. It seems like such a long time since we last spoke.

I have a vague recollection of talking to you yesterday, but I’m pretty sure my heart and mind were tucked up in bed at the time.

I’m pretty psyched because I’ve just finished off a brilliant article about delegation and outsourcing for my Jalopy Gang V.I.P.s.

I know it sounds incredibly unsexy, but it really is rather wonderful.

I give you instantly applicable strategies that you can use to master that big long list of things that you have to do, by borrowing other people’s time. And, if like me, you’re a massive prima-donna control freak who can’t stand the idea of relinquishing control of your baby business to someone else, let alone paying them for the privilege, then we’ll tackle that too.

Yep, it’s bloody brilliant. And it’ll be hitting your email box shortly.

V.I.P Baby.

You have about four hours to sign-up below if you don’t want to miss out on this, and other valuable greatness. Do it. I love your email box. It’s my favorite. And I’d love to hang out there more.

Right.

See you in a bit!

Okay, okay. You want a teaser. I thought you might.

Here you go…

So you have a to-do list as long as your arm…

…and you only have so much time in the day.

We all do.

No-one has a monopoly on time. It’s the one thing that we all have the same amount of, every single day.

So if we all have the same amount of time available to us, then how is it that some of us manage to invent bagless hoovers, wind-up radios and biros that work on the moon, whilst simultaneously releasing six prog rock concept albums about cyborg goats that live on Mars…

…whilst others barely manage to get up, go to work, and get the kids fed before it’s time for bed?

Well I’ll tell you for why…

The robot goat fetishists have become expert at the following strategies:

Oh yeah. I’m such a tease. Sign-up. Become a V.I.P.

See you later!

JJ Jalopy.