The most condescending business advice you’ve ever heard.

Hi there!

How are you? It’s so good to see you again – it’s been a while.

I had a fantastic time in Monaco, thank you very much.

But I’ve been in bed for the last two days. The combination of too-much-sun and not-enough-water will do that to you, it seems.

So, as I was hallucinating in bed last night, trying to shiver my way to sleep, I got to thinking about why most people’s mini-businesses don’t succeed.

What is the difference that makes the difference? I thought to myself, because I liked the way it sounded.

The difference that makes the difference is indifference, I replied, because I was high on sunstroke and I liked the way that sounded even more.

But I knew it didn’t make sense. Certainly not in this context anyway.

So I pulled myself together and searched my brain for a more helpful question. If I wasn’t going to sleep, I might as well do some productive thinking.

What do people most need to help their businesses thrive?

That’s better.

I don’t think it’s more information, I replied. Most people know a few things they could be doing right now to move their business forward, get more clients and stuff.

(And if they don’t, they should click on that link for a few very simple suggestions.)

The problem is that they’re not doing them.

Bingo.

What people most need is to actually do the stuff they already know they should be doing.

Brilliant! A stroke of genius.

If there’s a Nobel Prize for the most obvious and naive piece of business advice then I’m first on the shortlist.

I went to sleep.

So, why aren’t they doing these things?

Well…

Because some of the things on that list are rather unsexy.

Because some of the things on that list are a bit scary.

And, quite frankly, they’d rather be drinking margaritas, eating biscuits in bed, or flirting with the hot teenage gardener.

Not that those aren’t useful and enjoyable activities. I’m sure they are. It’s just that they aren’t going to help your business grow. And then you’re not going to be able to afford those margaritas.

I want you to have all the margaritas / pool boys / hot nannies / ice-cream (delete as appropriate) that you desire.

But first… I want you do some of those things on your list.

(NOTE: I’m well aware that I’m the only one who uses under-the-covers margarita and biscuit binges as an excuse not to follow through on tedious marketing tasks. I’m sure your excuses are much more socially acceptable and involve kids, chores and family responsibilities. Unfortunately, these things are not as funny to me so they don’t get much of a mention today. Thanks.)

So here’s what we’re going to do…

(It’s pretty cutting edge.)

What I want you to do, is to pick a few items you know you should be doing (borrow some of these, if you need.)

Then write each of these on a single day on your calendar.

And then do them on that day.

Let your calendar be your coach. It’ll tell you what to do and it tell you when to do it. You won’t even have to think about it. Just do it.

If you think this is the most obvious and condescending piece of advice you’ve ever heard, then you’re probably right.

But I can’t overemphasize the importance of getting the basics right. Most mini-businesses fail because they never really get going. The key is to start moving, and keep going.

Thanks for putting up with my nonsense today. I’ll see you tomorrow!

JJ Jalopy.

Christian the Lion

Most “inspirational” videos make me want to go out, drink beer, tell dirty jokes and start a fight with some cowboys.

(Please note that I am using exaggeration to create humor. I don’t condone violence of any type, especially when directed towards cowboys.)

But this video made me shed a tear.

And I’d like to share it with you.

I apologize in advance for making you listen to Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing. Turn your speakers down if you need.

See you soon!

JJ Jalopy.

Other Blogs that Rock!

Greetings from Monte Carlo! Or is it Monaco?

I’m in one or other of them. I’ve had a few beers and I’m not really sure of the difference.

I’ll ask the nearest clever looking Monacan. (Wow – Spell Check actually thinks that’s a word. Cool!)

I think he’ll tell me that Monaco is a country, whilst Monte Carlo is a town or district….

What I will tell you is that it’s beautiful, hot and sunny and that I’ve just won 20 Euros on Roulette.

The drinks are on me!!

Now… obviously we both know that this blog is the greatest blog in the world.

That’ a given.

But there are a other blogs that rock too. And today, before I head back to the bar to meet my rather exhuberant friends, I’m going to introduce you to a few of them.

But here’s the deal. I don’t want you reading these blogs, falling in love with their charistmatic writers, and forgetting all about me, leaving me sad and alone with no-one to hear my hystrionics.

No. Instead, you are going to go read these blogs, fall in love with their charismatic writers and think I rock even more for introducing you to such luxurious internet awesomeness.

Do we have a deal?

Good.

Now without further ado… let’s go.

My favorite blogs about writing, blogging and stuff

Copyblogger

This is one of those blogs that is so good that it makes me feel totally inadequate every time I visit.

It’s all about copywriting: the art of writing in a strategic, persuasive and compelling manner so that people will take action.

If you have a business on the internet then you should inhale this website. Eat it for dinner every day.

You’ll soon get more traffic, more subscribers, more sales and more money.

It’s so good it makes me sick.

Men with Pens

A brilliantly named website which is to receive its fair share of visitors looking for something  else altogether…

These guys are writers, freelancers, designers and entrepreneurs.

You’ll learn a lot from them.

ProBlogger

ProBlogger, by Darren Rowse, is the best resource on the internet about blogging, bar none.

Everything you ever need is here.

My favorite blogs about marketing and consumer behavior

Seth Godin’s Blog

Seth Godin is a marketing genius. His blog rocks too.

He dispenses bite size nuggets of insight which are both tasty, nurtitious and make you tons of money. Cool.

The Pyschology of Shopping

Learn all about why you buy what you buy.

Philip Graves, the writer of this blog, is probably the cleverest man in the world.

He has an awesome accent too. Check out the video on his front page.

My favorite blogs about sales and stuff

The Sales Eagles

No nonsense sales advice from two no-nonsense guys, Steve Chambers and Rob Northrup.

Go here for strategies that work.

Check out their personal blogs too. Click on their names to visit.

Duane Cunningham

Regular readers will know Duane. He’s into persuasion and sales.

I think he hawks timeshare for a living, but we don’t like to talk about that.

You go here for straight-talking inspiration. His blog posts are a blast. But be warned… Duane has a bizarre center alignment fetish.

My favourite coaching blog

A Daring Adventure

Tim Brownson is a British Life Coach, living in Florida.

His hilarious blog is full of advice that will help anyone to have a more awesome life.

My favorite blogs about health, meditation and general hippy stuff

Functional Solutions for Living

Anthony is my new health and meditation coach. His writing and inisghts kick butt.

He’s like a Zen Master you could go for a beer with.

DarrylPace.com

Darryl is an awesome dude.

If you want to lose weight, or you want to get totally stacked, then Darryl is your man.

John Ho’s Blog

John does a daily numeroscope.

It’s like a daily horoscope, but with numbers. It’s incredibly entertaining and John is a great guy.

I think Numerology is a load of rubbish, but I love John’s blog!

My favourte blogs about personal development, productivity etc…

Rock your Day

The writer of this blog, Dave Navarro, does not play guitar in Jane’s Addiction.

But he is one of the most productive people in the world. He’s fun too.

Go to his blog and you can learn to be productive and fun too.

KevinHogan.com

Kevin’s website isn’t really a blog, but it is updated with new articles every week and it’s very very good.

It looks like your dog chewed the pages of wikipedia and spat it out all over your screen. But the content is absolutely fantastic.

If you model Kevin’s dedication and work-ethic you’ll be running the world in a few years.

Warrior of Success

Lynn Lane is a gentle warrior.

He’s a great guy and he can help you lead a more purposeful life.

My favorite blog about dating and relationships

April Braswell

April is the nicest lady in the world.

If you follow her advice then you will be innundated with more love and great sex than you could possibly handle. You’ll have to give it away or get more storage or something.

That’s a guarantee.

My favorite pointless blog that amuses me

Men who look like old lesbians

Hmmm….

This is self explanatory, really.

The “this has taken bloody ages and I need to get back to the bar” list

(These are just as good as the others. They’re only down here because I’m tired of typing…)

Great Wealth – Become rich through statistics and economics.

www.donshepherd.me – Awesome photography

Neuro Performance and Health – Hippy health stuff

The Wind in Your Vagina – Hilarious DaddyBlog.

Urban Monk – Chilled out personal development

I know I’ve missed some really awsome blogs here.

If you’re reading and you have an awesome blog and I’ve missed you out of my list, then I’m very sorry.

It’s probably not because I don’t love your blog. It’s probably because I’m a bit tipsy!

Gotta dash…

Happy reading!

JJ Jalopy.

Be my filter, baby!

One thing we are not short of these days is information.

People are rarely looking for more information. In fact, often they feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information at their fingertips.

They are looking for exactly the right information at the right time. And they are looking to have it pre-approved by someone they trust.

Do you satisfy this need for your customers?

Have you established trust with your customers?

Do you keep your customers’ problems in mind at all times?

Do you filter relevant and helpful information, share it with your customers in a consistent way, and let your customer know you’re helping them out?

Good! Well done you.

See you in Monte Carlo, you lovely information filter, You.

JJ Jalopy.

10 Things You Can Do Right Now To Get More Leads!

Hey there!

It’s great to see you again.

This is going to be a quick one today, because I have to go and pack my suitcase.

Tomorrow I’m flying to Monaco for a long weekend. It’s (yet) another bachelor party….

I’ll be sure to bring a massive Toblerone back for Mrs. Jalopy!

Now… I’ve talked before about the power of making constant small incremental improvements in your business. (Kaizen, baby!)

The big consulting houses have made a living out of this for years.

If you can make 10 processes 10% more efficient then you’ll make 10 gazillion times more money.

Or something.

Now it’s rare that I set myself up as a positive role model on this blog… but today I took a small step towards increasing the number of people that turn up at my (virtual) door, and I’d like to encourage you to do the same.

So what did I do?

Simply, I introduced a new channel by which people can find me. I took out an advert.

So what could you do? How you could you increase your leads?

Why not pick one of the following:

• Put an advert on Craigslist
• Hand deliver sales letters in your local area, or mail them to a list relevant to your business.
• Start a blog!
• Write a new blog post. (It has been a while, hasn’t it?!)
• Start Pay Per Click Advertising on Google
• Make Google love you a little more (SEO) by:
  • creating a Squidoo lens or Hubpages space, linking to your website
  • highlighting some of your keyword phrases in your web pages or posts.
  • adding some internal links within your website to the pages you want people to visit the most.
• Buy a banner advert on a relevant website.
• Comment on relevant industry blogs. Or join the discussion on a relevant internet forum. Be unique and add value.
• Record a video and post it to YouTube.
• Go Viral! Create an awesome thing linking to your website. Give it away for free. Encourage others to do the same.

Go on. Pick one and do it today. Google will tell you how, if you’re not sure!

Or ask here. I love questions.

See you soon. Take care!

JJ Jalopy.

The 5 most popular blog posts in the world. Why you loved them. And other learnings.

One of cool things about doing business online is that you can measure and analyze nearly every aspect of your business.

Being a Physics graduate and uber-nerd, this kind of thing makes me very excited.

So, if you were to say:

JJ. What are your 5 most read blog posts? And why do you think they were more popular than the others?

…then I would say…

#5 – 10 Simple Things That Will Immediately Increase Your Quality of Life

What is it? And why will you like it?

It’s an light-hearted list of 10 easily applicable things you could do right now to make your life rock a little more.

It’s amusing and (a little bit) helpful.

Why was it popular?

People love lists because they can scan them. Many of the most popular posts on the internet are in the format of a list.

Many of my posts go on and on and on and on.

This one doesn’t. It’s a nice bite size piece of internet fun.

I hawked it around Twitter a little bit and it got re-tweeted a few times. (That means that other people liked it and sent the link to their friends.)

Why did it do for me?

Yes. Thank you for asking.

I picked up 10 more RSS subscribers and 4 V.I.P. e-mail subscribers the day this post was published.

It helped to reinforce my brand message that learning should be fun.

#4 – How to Market Test your Business Idea in Under Ten Minutes

What is it? And why will you like it?

It’s a veritable Market Testing Kit in a box.

It’s a 7 minute video.

A slice of earth shattering value.

If you have an idea for an online business, run it through these tests. If it comes out the other side with 5 yeses then your idea has a great chance of being profitable.

If you do the things in the video, I’ll be expecting lots of praise and adulation when you make your first million. Thanks.

Why was it popular?

Because it’s bloody brilliant.

Because it’s a video. Lots of people like video on the internet. (I’d much rather read than watch video, to be honest.)

It got Dugg a few times. (That means people told other people it was awesome on the website Digg.com).

It was promoted on Twitter and Facebook. (Thanks everyone!)

I also flogged it to death in my Jalopy Gang V.I.P. Newsletter.

What did it do for me?

People got to see me and hear my funny accent.

I got the opportunity to connect with them in a new and powerful way. This is important.

It brought in a small amount of new traffic to my website from Digg and YouTube.

It reinforced my core brand theme of giving massive value. Gosh, I’m generous.

#3 - How to Write a Super Crazy Awesome Blog Post

What is it? And why will you like it?

It’s a how-to guide to writing blog posts which people will actually read and enjoy.

Why was it popular?

It’s a How-To guide. These are great blog fodder.

It has a good title, which explains exactly what it’s about and describes the tone of the piece.

This knocked about on Twitter a little bit. Some people thought it was funny and useful. Others thought it was an opinionated, naive and one-sided account of blogging. (I agree.) All attention is good attention in terms of generating new visitors.

Many of my readers are bloggers themselves. A few readers sent a link to this post to their friends and family.

This post was as viral as I’ve been in the last two months…

What did it do for me?

It brought me new fans – people who still read the blog today. (Hi there! Looking good!)

It reinforced my core brand themes of making learning fun and giving massive value.

I’d only written about ten blog posts at the point I wrote this. Acknowledging this in the post, I set myself up as an apologetic authority.

#2 – An Important Decision to be Made

What is it? And why will you like it?

It’s a challenge to bring yourself fully to the decisions you make in life – in particular your decision to start your own business, or not.

Why was it popular?

It underpins everything we talk about here.

It was the second most popular post on the site, despite having a really sucky title.

The reason? As one of my first and my most commented post, a link to it was always available from the front page of the website. (I have since removed this link.) This shows how effectively you can guide people to the content you want them to see.

What did it do for me?

It introduced my own personal story. It set the tone for the rest of the blog and helped to set the foundations for the brand.

#1 – How to fix your visual editor after a Wordpress 2.8 upgrade

What is it? And why will you like it?

Hmmm…. It’s a nerdtastic guide to fixing a common bug in a common piece of blog software. It has computer code in it and everything.

I don’t even understand half of it.

Why was it popular?

Lots of bloggers recently upgraded their Wordpress software to version 2.8 and encountered a problem with their visual editor.

I posted this on the day after the upgrade was released. I have been the second most popular google search result for Wordpress 2.8 Visual Editor for the last week and a half. This brings me a lot of traffic.

What did it do for me?

It wasn’t really… It was an interesting experiment in search engine optimization, but that’s about it.

It’s not impossible that, rather than fixing their problem, one of these visitors will stick around on my blog, realize it rocks and become a raving fan.

But it is unlikely.

It’s cool to look at the visitor graphs though!

Hope you enjoyed that little journey.

See you soon!

JJ Jalopy.

Small Business Therapy #1 – People are already doing it better than me!

It can be easy to think that you’re the only small business owner who freaks out.

That you’re the only one struck by huge crises of confidence.

That you’re the only one too scared to pick up the phone, go to that event, make that decision.

You might look at successful people and say to yourself:

What’s the matter with me? These people never worry that they’re not good enough. They never wake up at 2:00 AM in a cold sweat wondering where the money is going to come from and whether they’ll be eating their left arm for dinner next week.

And this makes you feel alone.

You are not alone.

You see, most people who are in the business of dispensing business advice have a vested interest in you thinking that they have their stuff together. In adopting a position of authority, they depend upon social proof and the illusion of expertise, credibility and success to maintain their personal brand.

The result? They are unlikely to share their worries with you. They are unlikely to reveal that they, too, still suffer from crises of confidence now and then.

You might come to the conclusion that successful people just don’t freak out.

There is also much emphasis placed upon positive thinking and positive communication these days. If you go on Twitter, you’ll be inundated with messages of positivity, inspirational quotes and reminders to live every day like it’s your last!

It’s nice, and can be just what you need at times…

…but when you’re freaking out, thinking that you’re a total failure and wishing you could give it all up right now, then these people’s well-intentioned messages of inspiration feel like needles poking into your brain.

To paraphrase Russell Brand, it’s like being beaten over the head with a freaking rainbow.

Seize the day, they say!

Grab that sword, confront your fears, and slay that dragon of fear like the fear slaying dragon killer you were born to be, they say.

And you feel like you’re the only one (understandably) too busy throwing your own pity party to go anywhere near that bloody sword.

I can’t, you say. I’m throwing myself a big pity party. I feel hopeless. I want empathy, not vague “motivational” platitudes.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of your energy, they say.

So you pick up that sword and shove it right into their gullet.

This makes you feel better.

But we don’t need to go maiming people with imaginary swords to feel better about all this. The fact is that, all of us feel unconfident sometimes and all of us freak out sometimes.

So, every weekend for the next few weeks, we’re going to have a little small business owner therapy session, here within the safe walls of our our home here in Jalopyland. We’re going to try to meet these issues with understanding and talk them through together.

Hopefully it will be helpful to you. Even if it just makes you feel grateful that you’re not as screwed up as me!

People are already doing it better than me!

You might have done all the market research in the world. You think you know what you’re doing.

Then… BOOM!

Here comes the crisis of confidence.

You’re worried that you’re not good enough.

Or rather, you wonder why you should carry on when other people are already doing That Thing You Do better.

There are many life coaches who are so much better than me, you say. Why would someone go to me when they could hire Mr. SuperCoach down the road?

There are many people who are much better writers than me, you say.

There are many people who are more confident or charismatic than me, you say,

There are many people who are more knowledgeable, or have more experience than me, you say.

Here’s what I say….

It doesn’t matter.

People don’t come to you for your expertise, success, experience or knowledge.  They don’t come to you because you’re the shiniest, greatest, or the most successful.

They come to you because of the way you make them feel.

Don’t believe me? Let me give you some case studies…

Where I go for lunch.

I spend a lot of time in a town called Watford, just North of London, UK, doing business consultancy work.

I like to get away from the office at lunchtime and go and sit down to eat. There are many places I could go for lunch. Many of them part of a big successful chain of restaurants, some of them small independent places.

My very favorite lunchtime venue is a small Lebanese restaurant called Nana’s Bakery.

I don’t go there because it’s the most convenient for me. (I have to walk down a busy, unfashionable main road to get there.)

I don’t go there because it’s the cheapest.

I don’t go there because they have the best food in the world (although it is pretty good!)

I don’t go there because they are well-known or because I’ve heard about them on TV.

I go there because they make me feel welcome. I go there because I get a big friendly welcome every time I walk in the door. I go there because they know my name, they give me free tasters of dishes they’re trying out, they invite me into the kitchen to show me how they make their flatbreads.

I go there because they are my kind of people.

And they’re always very busy because many other people feel the same way.

Now, if they had given up simply because there were already successful restaurants in the area, or similar small ethnic restaurants in the area, then my lunchtime would be a sadder affair.

Where I go for my blogtime.

If I want to read about health and meditation I go to www.anthonylemme.com

In fact, I go there even when I don’t want to read about health or meditation because I like hanging out there.

I could learn from Deepak Chopra, or some other heavily made-up guy who sits on Oprah’s coach.

But I read Anthony.

Even though his website looks like crap.

Even though he’s not yet as well known as many of the other people I could learn from.

Why?

Because I like the laid back vibe.

Because I like that reading Anthony’s stuff feels like talking to a friend.

Because I like that he talks about rock and roll, sex and meditation all in the same sentence.

Because I like the emotional experience I get there.

So what can we learn from these examples?

We learn that there is absolutely room for you, because you are You.

So, other people are already doing That Thing You Do?

That’s great! Because it tells you there is a demand for that thing. And there’s always a room for another voice, another point of view, a slightly different experience.

What people want most of all is to feel understood, to feel connected, to feel part of something.

To be successful you need to provide a consistent emotional experience that will be appealing to a certain group of people

As a small business, you are in a unique position to connect with people by being authentically you.

And you’re #1 in the world at that!

Okay, but are people really going to pay me for my services just because they like me, when they could go hire someone better?

Um, yeah. Kinda.

Not everyone wants the best in the world, and not anyone can afford the best in the world,

There is a place for you. I promise.

Some silly questions to finish

What would have happened…

… if The Beatles had given up because they thought they could never be as good as Elvis?

… if Beethoven thought he could never be Mozart, so didn’t even bother?

… if Rihanna thought she could never be Britney?

(Okay, maybe scrap the last one…)

See you soon!

JJ Jalopy.

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Things that make you look like an idiot!

I’m the kind of egomaniac who reads over his post archive to laugh at his own jokes.

In fact, it was this very act that prompted me to come and talk to you.

I’d been reading a fantastic article I’d written earlier in the week about the limiting beliefs we have about marketing.

Gosh, I thought to myself. Isn’t this a wonderfully informative, enjoyable and light-hearted read? This guy is just like me. It’s great to feel so understood.

And then I read this: (emphasis added for the benefit of our little conversation here)

You know that the thing that your selling rocks. So go tell people about it. Spread the love. Spread the happy. Change lives. Change the bloody world!

This guy’s an idiot, I thought.

Now I despise grammatical elitism as much as the next person with something more important to worry about.  But some things just make you look dumb.

So yes, I am fickle. Yes, I am judgmental.

And this would be fine if I were the only judgmental asshole in the world.

Unfortunately, I’m not.

Most people who understand that your and you’re mean two different things will think less of you if it appears that you don’t. Not in a moral kind of way, of course, but certainly in an is-this-person-clever-enough-to-teach-me-stuff kind of way…

And that’s not ideal when you’re in the business of dispensing wisdom.

Have you heard of the term hygiene factor? It was coined by a dude named Frederick Herzberg, a psychologist who made his name in business management. He was interested in what motivates an employee.

He came up with the idea of a hygiene factor – something that causes dissatisfaction when missing, but does not increase satisfaction when present. Just as washing your hands stops you from getting horribly ill, but does not necessarily fill you with youthful vitality and joy!

In your company communication, the quality of your spelling and grammar is a hygiene factor.

You’re not going to win anyone over with your perfectly concise sentence construction.

No-one is going to fall in love with you because you use big fancy words or know where to put a semicolon.

But they might think you’re a bit dumb if you get its and it’s all muddled up.

We all make mistakes. I generally write late at night and I write very quickly. I don’t rework much of my writing and I don’t proofread as thoroughly as I might. The seductive call of my bed is generally more attractive to me than the idea of reading through something I’ve already read, however fantastic and hilarious it might be.

But I will be proofreading more carefully in future.

Whether you like it not, people will judge. So have a little think your business. What things are damaging your customers’ perception of you or your brand?

Do you, for example, have a blank About Me page?

Why?!

Why, oh why?

Do you realize how bad that looks?

Clean it up! Sort it out!

See you tomorrow.

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. Please kick my butt if I haven’t sorted that About Me page out soon!

Confidence – What’s holding you back?

Hey!

Wanna know something cool?

Well… I can show you step-by-step, piece-by-piece, how you can build yourself a successful mini-business.

Whether you’re a coach, a consultant, a stay-at-home-mom, a clown, or you want to sell downloadable stuff on the internet – I can show you simple steps that will almost guarantee you success if you follow them.

I used to think that this made me special.

That was naive.

Anyone can figure that out if they have enough time on their hands. It takes a bit of work to break it down to its constituent parts, but the process is pretty easy:

• Find people who have succeeded in building successful small businesses
• Pay attention to what they did and what they’re still doing
• Figure out the patterns
• Organize into a set of steps / rules / concepts
• Give it all a fancy name like methodology
• Compare and contrast to mainstream business practices
• Make new distinctions, refine, analyze, criticize. (Basically be a bit clever.)
• Ascend to mini business consultancy nirvana.

So yeah. There’s that. 

A set of things that you might want to do to make your business rock.

A methodology, if you will.

But… knowing what would be a good thing to do, and actually doing it are two very different things.

So why would someone not do something that they thought was going to skyrocket the fledging business they’re so worried about into the stratosphere of success, glory and unlimited ice-cream?

…

Answer: Because they’re scared.

Because they’re worried they’re not good enough.

Because they think there are a load of people much better at doing whatever it is they do. So really, what’s the point?

Because doing some of the things that they know they should do are not going to be very comfortable, and are not going to be much fun.

Because they’re worried that, if they become really successful, people will recognize us as the charlatans they fear they might be.

Listen. The fact is that, unless you’re a psychopath, you, too, think you suck sometimes.

And if you agree with this then congratulations!  You’re not crazy. Or certainly no more so than the rest of us. You can stick around. Help yourself to cake.

So… you might have the perfect roadmap. The blueprint to assured success and world domination in your field!

But if you believe your business is going to fail, then it probably will.

If you believe you’re not going to be up to the task, then you probably won’t be.

Successful people focus their efforts where it does the most good. They take accountability for themselves.  They ask for help and guidance when they need it. They regularly do things that feel uncomfortable.

All of this takes confidence. 

It takes effort to fail at something. And those who have the confidence to focus their efforts in the right place, will succeed. 

Confidence is the difference between those who dick about on Twitter all day, and those who get out there and make something happen. 

Fine, you say. It’s all very well to write about this from your safe little writing room Mr. Writer Man. But what can we do about it?

Glad you asked.

How about a list? People on the internet love lists, I have heard. Let’s make a list…

• Accept that you’re scared, that you’ll always be scared and that being scared is a totally normal, natural and healthy thing.
• Understand that confidence grows from pushing yourself to do uncomfortable things. 
• Realize that you don’t have to be the best in the world. You just have to be You. 
• Make a plan to grow your confidence in certain key areas, by increasing your exposure to certain experiences in a controlled way. 

Cool.

So what’s the message to take away from all this Mr. Jalopy, Sir? 

It’s to be aware. To be a little more conscious about the decisions you make. To be aware of your beliefs and how they might be holding you back. But always to be kind, understanding and patient with yourself.

And to hire an awesome mentor who can work with you on your beliefs and help you make a simple plan to increase your confidence.

And, finally, to stick around on this wonderful blog for some group therapy on our limiting beliefs, coming to your computer screen very very soon!

Have a great evening. I’ll catch up with you later!

JJ Jalopy.

Sleazy salespeople and their sleazy salespeople ways.

Hey there!

It’s late here. But before I sneak off to bed, I want to catch up with you for a little chat.

Earlier today I was reading an excellent article by my friend, Aussie persuasion expert Duane Cunningham.

Go back, click on his name and read it if you want the rest of the post to make sense.

On the other hand, if you’re after a more psychedelic blog reading experience then go read something else, then come back and debate the appropriateness of your reading choice in the context of the remainder of the post.

Alice in Wonderland might be a good choice.

So you’ve just read Duane / Lewis Carroll make a pretty bold premise. I’ll paraphrase it thus:

“Strewth mate. If you’re gonna be prissy about sales and marketing, don’t “like” it, aren’t any bloody good at it, aren’t (wo)man enough to hunker down and get good at it then you’re bloody well not going to make any bloody money!”

Or something like that.

I’m exaggerating, of course. But not much. Duane understands the value of not sitting on the fence. His blog is pretty badass. You should check it out.

So… if Duane’s premise is correct, then that pretty much sucks for the majority of us who regard selling as a rather disagreeable pastime…

… unless we change some of our beliefs around sales and marketing.

Most of the people I work with don’t really like the idea of marketing or selling themselves, their product or their service.

They think of selling as that thing that salespeople do.

I am a consultant, they say.

I am a coach, they say.

I am a yoga-instructor.

I may be all these things, they say. But I am not a salesperson.

This is usually because they see the act of selling or marketing as an affront. Maybe they’ve been exposed to too many nasty pushy salesmen. Maybe their friends have tried to get them involved in some lame pyramid scheme. Whatever, they’ve come to see the whole selling stuff deal as A Bit Icky.

Which is a massive shame. Because Duane is right. You can’t make money if you’re not selling stuff.

You need to sell stuff to make money. But selling is not necessarily a dirty nasty sleazy thing, and you can do it without being a dirty nasty sleazy douchebag.

(I love the word douchebag. It’s sorely underused this side of the Atlantic.)

You don’t need to be a sleazy chain-smoking salesman from the seventies, banging on endlessly about his “leads”. You don’t need to write big long ugly internet sales pages that look like your son has swallowed a yellow highlighter and vomited it all over your monitor. You don’t need to send a million sales letters to a million ungrateful mailboxes. You don’t need to start spamming people’s inboxes.

You don’t need the used car salesmen approach to selling.

Not at all.

Selling your services or product is really about making sure that an awesome thing ends up in the hands of an awesome person who will benefit from it but who might not otherwise recognize the value it holds for them.

And for that…

You need something awesome that you believe in. And you deserve to feel proud about that thing and to promote it in a non-creepy way that you enjoy.

That, my good friend, is a part of what this blog is all about.

You know that the thing that you’re selling rocks. So go tell people about it. Spread the love. Spread the happy. Change lives. Change the bloody world!

For a quick intro, check out this post here http://www.jjjalopy.com/coaching-business-startup-202-beliefs-about-marketing/

If you’re worried about promoting your stuff then, to be successful and to start making the money you deserve, you’ll need to do one of two things:

• work on your beliefs about marketing (see above)
• get better stuff to sell.

Often, for coaches and consultants, the reluctance to promote your services enthusiastically actually stems from a lack of confidence in your services themselves.

And how do we deal with that?

Well… we come up with a plan to manage it. And we’ll do that together soon.

But for now… it’s time for bed!

Have a fun evening. Say Hi to Duane from me when you pop by!

JJ Jalopy.

Procrastination, Twitter and my Cartoon Nose Job

Hey there!

I hope you had a wonderful weekend.

Relax, put your feet up and pour yourself your favorite drink as I tell you a story.

 

It was Wednesday evening this week. I sat down at the lovely big glass desk in my man cave and turned on the computer.

I feel great about today, I said to myself as my mac sprung into action. I’m going to get loads of productive work done.

I fired up my web browser and logged onto Twitter.

 

A lengthy aside about Twitter

For the uninitiated, Twitter is a bit like an online bar (except that you have to bring your own alcohol and you don’t need to wear pants.) There’s a load of people, a load of noise, some cool fun interesting people to meet, and some terrible dullards.

There are people who want to convince you that hawking overpriced vitamins on your friends and family is a good idea, as well as people who just want to hang out, get to know some people and have some fun.

The key to using Twitter in a way that doesn’t suck, is to ignore the first lot and befriend and engage with the second lot. Just as you’d walk away from the drunk guy in the corner dribbling on his sweater, and go talk to fun looking lady on the unicycle making balloon animals.

For the small home business owner, Twitter is an excellent networking and marketing tool. Especially if you’re prepared to take the time to do your marketing in a personable, non-creepy way.

It can also be an excellent procrastination aid.

It really shouldn’t be. 

It takes a few seconds to say something funny that’s on your mind, check out what other people are up to, and then get back to work.

It should be a perfect-sized refreshing break…

…if you have well-defined work to be getting back to.

 

So, back to my story… What happened with me?

Well, I noticed a comment from an internet friend. (That’s a friend I know through the internet, not a friend who is an internet. There’s only one of those.)

And I replied to said comment with a hilarious comment about rolling a watermelon down a hill, turning a house upside down with a big stick and a rock as a lever, or some other such nonsense. I don’t remember what it was right now, but it was surely absolutely hilariously irreverent.

Gosh, I am terribly amusing sometimes, I thought to myself.

And then I checked my email.

I had a message from the illustrator I’ve been working with. (I found him using elance. You can find out how to do this effectively in this article here.)

He’s making a cartoon logo of me, for reasons that are much more to do with satisfying my own ego than any serious branding considerations.

He had sent me some sketches. It’s really cool to see a cartoon version of you. I sent it to Mrs. Jalopy and a few friends. I debated whether my nose looked too big and whether my hair was curly enough.

I shot an email back to my illustrator dude. If I’m going to be a cartoon, I’m going to be a bloody good looking one, that’s for sure.

I requested a cartoon nose job.

An hour had now passed since I first sat down to work.

I should finish that article on confidence that I’ve been writing on and off for the last week. Or I should finish the About Me page on my website, or that Squidoo lens, or those sketches I’ve been promising the web designer…

Yeah, but first… I bet someone has replied to that hilarious comment I made on Twitter. 

They hadn’t. Perhaps no-one had read it yet. Or maybe they thought it was so hilarious that they couldn’t think of a worthy reply. Yeah, that was probably it.

So I logged onto Facebook, made a few comments on some people’s photos, watched some videos of monkeys playing with firearms. Soon got tired of that.

 

The bit where I hurry the story a little because you’ve got the idea by now…

Looked at my cartoon again.

Thought about finishing that article.

Or the one for April which has now been festering even longer. (Sorry April, if you’re listening. It is like totally brilliant though.)

Thought about making that squidoo thingywotsit.

Emailed the web-designer dude with a link to a website that I think is prettier than the one we’re making…

Finally I sat down to finish the article.

But by now I was feeling really tired and Mrs. Jalopy has already gone to bed. I don’t like it when we go to bed separately. I miss my snuggletime.

So I turned off the computer and go to bed, feeling a little guilty about how long I had just spent doing pretty much nothing.

 

So what went wrong?

Gosh. Lots of things. Where do we start?

I had no goal.

To be successful at doing stuff you first have to know what it is that you want to do.

“I’m going to do some networking and hopefully finish that article, talk to the web-designer and illustrator” is not a goal.

So what would have looked better? How about this?

I’m going to finish my article on confidence and reply to any urgent emails. I’ll give myself a couple of breaks to make tea and to briefly connect with people on Twitter.

I had no deadlines or defined timescales.

I had blocked off a period of time in which I was going to “do work”. I had allowed myself to be okay with not finishing anything. I was happy simply to be doing work stuff.

So I flitted around, satisfying my little ego with cartoon nose jobs and flirting with imaginary friends on Twitter.

What would have looked better?

I’m going finish my article on confidence tonight, before I go to bed. 

I had no accountability.

I sometimes talk about making non-negotiable agreements with yourself. 

This is when you say, I’m going to finish this article before I go to bed because I’ve decided that I will. There is no other way. 

You’re being accountable to yourself. You’re coaching yourself.

You may also get a lot of value being accountable to a coach, or a mastermind group trying to achieve similar things together.

Either way, accountability is a big piece of the puzzle. 

 

The bit at the end where we wrap things up.

I’m sure the story I just confessed is totally unfamiliar to a productive and efficient business person like you!

Or maybe it’s not so much…

I find it interesting that the basics to working productively are so simple, straightforward and easily understood – but also difficult to act upon consistently.

There is a huge payoff in getting the basics right. Having a plan, putting timescales and deadlines against all your tasks and being accountable to yourself and others… these are the basics.

And we’d do well to set up a habit to remind ourselves of this every single day as we sit down to work. And make a non-negotiable agreement with ourselves to do these things – even if we don’t feel like it.

How do you manage this? What systems do you have in place to remind yourself of the basics to working effectively? What strategies to you have when procrastination rears its ugly head?

Let me know! You know you can talk to me below. And you know I love it when you do!

See you soon.

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. I believe that procrastination is actually a very complex issue. It is my belief that no-one self-sabotages. All of our decisions are, I believe, made with our best interests in mind, but with limited or “flawed” information. In this post, I don’t mean to make light of the issue of procrastination, simply to highlight the importance of getting the basics right.

How to fix your visual editor after a Wordpress 2.8 upgrade

Sexy title, hey?

Yeah, baby, this is going to be nerdtastic!

Yesterday in my post about the fear of making phone calls I mentioned that Wordpress, the lovely software that runs this blog, was misbehaving itself after its upgrade to version 2.8.

Specifically, the visual editor was broken. The toolbar at the top of the editor no longer appeared and all my text was white against a white background. Which makes it essentially invisible. Not helpful.

So what did I do?

Well I forgot about it and went to bed.

Then the next day I forgot about it and went to the pub.

Then this morning I did a little internet search, found out that I was far from the only person experiencing this problem, made some tea and then fixed it.

As I know many of my lovely readers have their own Wordpress blogs (they often link to them in my comments), I thought I’d tell you how I did it…

 

How I fixed it

Basically, I did the following:

• I re-installed Wordpress upgrade from Tools => Upgrade => Re-install automatically on the Wordpress Dashboard.
• Cleared the cache on my browser.

Unfortunately this didn’t help, but it has helped for many folk on the Wordpress support forums.

So I had to do this instead:

• Opened wp-config.php in a text editor
• Added define( ‘CONCATENATE_SCRIPTS’, false ) near the top of the file.

This fixed it.

It’s not ideal though, because it actually makes the Wordpress admin panel run a little slower, for reasons I won’t explain because I don’t understand them.

 

Where can I get more information about this?

You can get more information here: http://wordpress.org/support/topic/279132

 

Well that was fun, wasn’t it?

I’ll be back to chat a little later!

JJ Jalopy.

Help! I’m scared of the phone!

Hey there!

Today my writing may look a bit less fun than usual.

This is because Wordpress, the normally very lovely and well-behaved piece of software that runs this blog, is being an ungracious little madam this evening.

I bought her a brand shiny new outfit a few hours ago. (Your I.T. guy might call this upgrading.) And now she’s throwing a tantrum and refusing to come out to show everyone. I think she’s probably just a bit shy. Bless her.

So I’m taking my usual approach to I.T. problems – which is to forget about them for a while, go to bed and hope they work themselves out in the morning all by themselves.

Yes – sometimes I kid myself that computers are not accountable to cause and effect and logic.

Hey! Maybe Wordpress works by the Law of Attraction!

Ahem. Moving on…

So I’m writing in this HTML stuff. It confuses me and makes me feel a bit clever all at the same time.

Earlier today, I was talking to a client with a fear of making follow up calls to potential clients.

The dread of making a phone call is something that many of us experience.

You imagine an unpleasant or uncomfortable interaction. Your hands get all sweaty. Your body feels different. You suddenly think of a million other things that you might be able to busy yourself with instead.

Usually this is related to a fear of confrontation.

But sometimes it isn’t. My client was mostly concerned about infringing on other people’s valuable time or the awkwardness of having them explain they were no longer interested. Some people are so damn considerate…

It doesn’t really make a difference why you’re scared and who you’re calling. When it’s one of those calls and the fear, the guilt and the nerves start to creep in, making that call is the last thing on earth you want to do.

Yeah, I can see that. So how can I make it go away?

Well, we might choose to dive into the unconscious patterns that you run, bring awareness to them, and then install some new helpful choices in their place, before sending you packing with a copy of the phone book to go cold-call California starting from A…

But I’ve found that doesn’t work so well through the blogging medium.

And I’d kind of suck at that anyway, to be honest. Lightning bolts and silly hats are more my cup of tea.

(Tea is more my cup of tea too.)

 

 

So instead, I’m going to show you a slightly-tree-huggy exercise you can do to feel a bit better about making that call. I learned it from an awesome Yoga teacher I met in Kansas.

Here we go…

Step 1: Breathe deeply. Allow yourself to stop feeling guilty for a while, and sit down content that you don’t need to make that call right now. Not whilst we’re doing this exercise anyway.

Step 2: Get a piece of paper, and write down things you have in common with the person you’re going to call. Think about the things they worry about. Think about the similar hopes and dreams they might have. Think about similar hang-ups they might have.

Step 3: Read through the list, and remind yourself of all the things you, and this other dude(tte) have in common. Talk yourself through it if you like. You might even like to pretend that you’re talking to the other person about it. Or you’re explaining it to a friend.

At some point in this routine, you’ll probably feel a bit of a shift in your thinking, maybe let out a sigh, and realize that now is the time to go and make that call.

If you don’t, and you’re still scared shitless, then it’s probably time to remind yourself that confidence only really grows from pushing through discomfort and fear.

Then try to push yourself to pick up that phone. If you do I’ll give you a big fat Jalopy hug and I’ll tell you that it’ll be easier next time, I promise.

Cool.

It’s been a bit of a departure from the normal business-talk, but I hope this technique will is useful to you. Try it out. You might feel a little silly talking to yourself, but it’ll work wonders!

Keep on Rockin’ the world!

JJ Jalopy.

Using Elance – How to hire outsourcers who kick ass rather than sucking it.

High Five!

Recently I have been evangelizing about the benefits of outsourcing tasks in your home business.

I know it can be hard to relinquish responsibility to other people, especially if you’re a control freak like me. And I understand that it can be especially difficult when you have to pay for the privilege…

But outsourcing tasks will free up time for you to work on the things that really make the difference.

It will pay off in spades.

So, having convinced you in three lazily-constructed half-sentences that outsourcing is A Really Good Thing, I’m now going to introduce you to a great resource called Elance. 

Elance is essentially a big market place that allows people who want stuff done to get together with people who want to get paid to do stuff.

Which is great. Because we’ve all got a lot of stuff.

So how does this work, Mr. JJ man?

Well, imaginary blog reader sycophant, the way I like to use Elance is to post details of my project or task and then watch as the people who want to get paid to do stuff flood me with bids for the work I’m offering.

This is nice and easy and simple and inflates my sense of self-importance.

I like that.

So, are you going to give us some awesome tips, as per usual Mr. Jalopy?

Sure thing m’lady…

 

How to post an awesome job description

Make your project description clear and specific. Say exactly what you want and when you want it. Have other people read it and then explain back to you what they have understood.

If there is any possible way that something can be misinterpreted, it probably will be. <<Insert your own amusing illustrative story here, if you like. Go wild>>

So yeah. Basically you want to remove any possibility of misinterpretation.

And add attachments or links to your website, if relevant, to illustrate what you want done. If you have sketches, brainstorms or notes then scan them and upload them. A picture is worth a thousand words and all that.

 

How to pick a bidder that kicks ass rather than sucking it

After a few hours, hungry providers will start to submit bids.

It can be pretty overwhelming sometimes. It might make you feel a little slutty the first time.

Some of these will be better than others.

This is me being polite. Most of the responses you get are going to suck ass. You don’t want an ass-sucking outsourcer. So, to sort the wheat from the chaff, ask yourself the following questions:

 

Have they actually, you know, read your job description?

Many bidders will bid on anything without really looking at the description. People that do this are usually doing this because they have to. They’re playing a nasty spammy, slutty numbers game. Because they suck.

 

How long have they been on Elance?

Ideally you want someone with some experience. Obviously.

 

What is their feedback like?

People who’ve had stuff done  can leave feedback on people who did stuff. Look through the bidder’s previous feedback and comments to figure out if they did a good job and if people were generally happy with them.

People are usually pretty honest and you can get some good insight here.

 

Do they address any of the specific issues you highlighted in your job description?

Do they give some indication of how exactly how they can help you?  

Have they looked at your website and the documentation you sent them? Have they taken the time to spell out the specific benefits that hiring them will give you?

Or are they sending you the same generic responses that they send out to everyone?

 

How to make sure the person you’ve chosen does what you want them to do?

Sometimes people misunderstand each other.

Most of the time people misunderstand each other. 

So don’t assume that your lovely new outsourcing chap actually understands what you want him to do. 

Before you let him get to work ask him to explain back to you exactly what he thinks are your requirements. Correct and clarify as necessary. Rinse and repeat. 

Now, once your outsourcer can explain to you what you need him to do, identify relevant milestones and set up a system by which he can provide regular updates so you can ensure everything stays on track, or you can identify problems early on.

I like to receive daily short email updates, in which my provider will list what they’ve achieved and any questions they might have.

Be specific with your feedback requirements. If you want him to spend no more than 5 minutes on a daily email update, then tell him that. Otherwise he’ll probably write an essay. Again, assume nothing. 

 

What do you do once it’s all done?

Give honest feedback and testimonials. 

Make sure you keep in touch with them if they did a great job, and refer them to your friends and colleagues. They’ll both love you for it.

 

Cool, eh?

Do you have any tips you’d like to add? Talk to me in the comments. I love comments – especially yours.

See you later dude(tte)!

JJ Jalopy.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION EXTREME!

Hey there!

I’m back!!

I’ve missed you. It seems like such a long time since we last spoke.

I have a vague recollection of talking to you yesterday, but I’m pretty sure my heart and mind were tucked up in bed at the time.

I’m pretty psyched because I’ve just finished off a brilliant article about delegation and outsourcing for my Jalopy Gang V.I.P.s.

I know it sounds incredibly unsexy, but it really is rather wonderful.

I give you instantly applicable strategies that you can use to master that big long list of things that you have to do, by borrowing other people’s time. And, if like me, you’re a massive prima-donna control freak who can’t stand the idea of relinquishing control of your baby business to someone else, let alone paying them for the privilege, then we’ll tackle that too.

Yep, it’s bloody brilliant. And it’ll be hitting your email box shortly.

 

 

You have about four hours to sign-up below if you don’t want to miss out on this, and other valuable greatness. Do it. I love your email box. It’s my favorite. And I’d love to hang out there more.

Right.

See you in a bit!

Okay, okay. You want a teaser. I thought you might.

Here you go…

 

So you have a to-do list as long as your arm…

…and you only have so much time in the day.

We all do.

No-one has a monopoly on time. It’s the one thing that we all have the same amount of, every single day.

So if we all have the same amount of time available to us, then how is it that some of us manage to invent bagless hoovers, wind-up radios and biros that work on the moon, whilst simultaneously releasing six prog rock concept albums about cyborg goats that live on Mars…

…whilst others barely manage to get up, go to work, and get the kids fed before it’s time for bed?

Well I’ll tell you for why…

The robot goat fetishists have become expert at the following strategies:

 

Oh yeah. I’m such a tease. Sign-up. Become a V.I.P.

See you later!

JJ Jalopy.

Overcoming the fear of success – Background reading.

Hey there!

Mrs. Jalopy and I have been traveling all day and we’re finally back home.

We had a wonderful weekend  in Austria celebrating our friends Jon and Birgit’s wedding.

It was beautiful.

And the party was crazy!

Now I’m really tired and making all kinds to health and sobriety promises to myself which will get forgotten just as soon as I emerge from the other side of a good sleep.

And that’s where I’m going right now… 

I really wanted to post today because I’ve missed you. But as my mind is absent today, in my place I will leave you with some preparatory reading for our discussion tomorrow. (See what I did there?)

Here’s a great article on Overcoming the Fear of Success, from the fantastic Dumb Little Man blog.

Tomorrow we’ll talk about strategies you can use to build your confidence in your coaching or consulting business and grow your business at the ideal rate for you.

I’ll be back and well-rested tomorrow, posting, sending my V.I.P.s a shiny new newsletter and generally saving the world.

Party on.

JJ Jalopy.

How the internet has changed writing.

Hey there!

I hope you’re having a marvelous day.

Consistent with my new mission to reclaim my life after my recent caffeine, computer and a-bit-too-much-work binge, today’s post will be short.

I wanted to share an article with you. Not because it has much to do with what we talk about here, but because I thought it was cool. It’s about how writing has changed as a result of the availability of the internet and, specifically, the blog. It’s something I’ve been thinking about rather a lot recently as I’ve explored the writing styles that I think work best online.

It’s pretty cool. Enjoy.

Article Link: How the Web and Weblog have changed writing.

I’m still working on the new design for the website. I think you’ll like it.

I’m away this weekend in Austria for a wedding, so I expect you’ll get your first look at it next week.

I’m excited…

Have fun! See you later!

JJ Jalopy.

My Boss is a Jerk.

Hi there!

I was reading a well known productivity blog earlier today and it pissed me off.

It was 10 AM. I was on my 15th coffee of the day, working through last year’s to-do list. I’d eaten a Mars bar for breakfast cause I thought I didn’t have time to make anything else. My veins were protruding through my eyeballs. I felt confused, tired, overworked, uninspired.

And here was this blogger dude talking about how he walks bare feet on the beach every morning, meditates for hours a day, eats only raw food, plays with his kids all day and breezes through is to-do list in a calm and efficient flourish of Zen-like productivity!

Bully for him, I thought. There is little in the world more annoying than smug productivity advice.

It would be great to be like that, I thought. It really would.

But I have a boss who forces me to work late in the evening. I have a boss who interrupts me with work questions at all hours of the day. I have a boss who stops me from spending quality time with my family and friends.

He’s insensitive. He’s fickle. He fails to see the big picture. He bosses me around.

Yes, my boss is a jerk. 

My boss is me.

Ah, the perils of the home business owner…

One of the reasons we start a home business is to get away from the control of someone else.

No longer will I have to put up with that angry, irrational, unappreciative control freak who treats me like crap, we think.

And that’s great.

But it sucks if you then become that irrational unappreciative control freak and start treating yourself like crap.

Whoops.

In the Jalopy Gang Newsletter I sent out to my awesome V.I.P. list yesterday (sign-up at the top of the screen) I shared a great question to ask yourself throughout the day when you’re about to make a decision or take a new action, or enter a new environment. It was this:

Is this what being good and respectful to myself looks like?

Well… I’m an enormous hypocrite and I haven’t been asking myself this too often.

And if I had I certainly wouldn’t be eating Mars bars for breakfast…

So yes, it’s time to coach myself a little better.

See you soon!

JJ Jalopy.

P.S. Definition of Linkbait from seomoz.org: Link-worthy, Linkerati-Targeted Content.

P.P.S. Definition of Linkbait from JJ: This. Feel free to link the crap out of it. I won’t mind.

How to create a kick-butt coaching brand!